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The Powerful Practice of Acceptance
We all face challenges, uncertainties, and disappointments. These are features of human life. The question is how we react to them. Often the way we react to something ends up being worse than the thing itself—causing us more pain for much longer. We wallow in resentment or bitterness, adopt a victim mentality, or ruminate and complain, extending the cycle of misery. When we take something difficult and add resistance to it, it only adds to our suffering. One powerful practice to break this cycle is “radical acceptance,” accepting situations outside our control without judging them. The idea is to reduce
How to Stop Our Negative Self-Talk: 15 Practices
Many of us struggle with negative self-talk—an inner critic that savagely sabotages us with doubts and harsh judgments. We’re our own worst enemy. We think we’re struggling with the outer game but it’s actually the inner game that’s tripping us up. “Happiness is an inside game, literally and neurochemically.” -Shirzad Chamine, executive and best-selling author How to Stop Our Negative Self-Talk There are many things we can do to hush the inner critic in our head. Doing breath work: breathing deeply and intentionally (as in yoga, meditation, and “box breathing”). This will change our physical and mental state. “Breath
How to Stop Overthinking—28 Practices
Many of us get caught up in overthinking. It’s very common. We analyze things excessively. We worry too much. We replay things over and over in our head. We ruminate. It’s a big problem for many people. In my Traps Test, with responses from more than 600 people around the world so far asking about more than 60 common traps that inhibit people’s quality of life, overthinking is the number-one trap. (See my article, “18 Signs You’re Overthinking,” to determine whether you struggle with this.) The question then becomes how to stop it. How to Stop Overthinking Fortunately, there
18 Signs You’re Overthinking
Many of us get caught up in overthinking—excessively analyzing something or dwelling on possibilities. We think about some things—mostly bad things—too much and for too long. It can be mentally replaying embarrassing moments or worrying about an upcoming meeting. Our thoughts spiral out of control when someone mentions out of the blue that we need to talk. There are two prevalent forms of overthinking: ruminating (involuntary, compulsive thinking) and worrying (fretting about potential problems or imagining bad outcomes). Overthinking is very common. In my Traps Test, with responses from more than 600 people around the world so far asking about
The Common Traps of Living: Which Are You In?
We all want a good life. To be healthy and happy. We want to love and be loved. To have experiences, enjoy comforts, and do certain things before we die. All well and good. But too often we focus on what to do to get the things we want in life—and not enough on what not to do. That’s where the common traps of living come in—the things that inhibit us from leading the life we want. We all fall into traps in life. All of us. Moms. Dads. Leaders. Professionals. Interns. Students. Retirees. Geniuses. Dopes. We all fall into
Time to Check the Path You’re On?
Article Summary: How to know if we’re on the wrong career path—or the wrong path in life? Is there a right path? How to decide and move forward? +++ Sometimes in life we may wonder if we’re on the wrong path. Things can feel off. We may wonder if we’re pursuing a path that doesn’t align with who we are and our core values and aspirations. We can wonder if the path we’re on is taking us somewhere we want to go. At the end of all our hard work, all our pursuit, what’s the destination we’re headed to? Is
The Trap of Workaholism–And What to Do About It
Article Summary: Everything you need to know about workaholism (work addiction): its prevalence, signs, causes, and costs—and how to overcome it. +++ Many people today struggle with workaholism—being addicted to work and struggling to switch it off or stop thinking about it Psychologist Wayne Oates coined the term “workaholism” in 1971 in his book, Confessions of a Workaholic: The Facts About Work Addiction. He defined it as “the compulsion or the uncontrollable need to work incessantly.” In 2014, researchers C.S. Andreassen, J. Hetland, and S. Pallesen defined work addiction as “being overly concerned about work, to be driven by strong
The Trap of a Victim Mentality—And What to Do About It
Article Summary: What a victim mentality is, signs of it, where it comes from, its many costs, and what to do about it. +++ When we have a victim mentality, we believe that bad things we experience are the fault of others and will keep happening so there’s no point in changing. We may even feel that the world is against us. Essentially, we identify ourselves as a helpless victim of negative circumstances. It’s a form of self-sabotage and often comes with an addiction to drama. When we have a victim mentality, we have thoughts like the following: Why me?
The Trap of Being Unrealistic
Many of us have fallen into the trap of being unrealistic—of being overly optimistic and downplaying the difficulties we’re likely to encounter. This is not a new problem. In fact, it’s been documented across the ages. In the 5th century B.C., Thucydides, a Greek historian and Athenian general, wrote, “it is a habit of mankind to entrust to careless hope what they long for.” Julius Caesar, a Roman general and emperor in the 1st century B.C., added, “Men willingly believe what they wish to be true.” The idea of unrealistic optimism also famously goes back to German philosopher Gottfried Wilhelm
Gratitude and Recognition in the Workplace–The Benefits and Top Practices
We don’t need to look at the data on “quiet quitting” and the “great resignation” to understand that many workers today feel undervalued and underappreciated. They feel like disposable widgets in a heartless organization. Though recognition is a fundamental human need, many managers think that having a job and salary with benefits should be thanks enough for their workers. Those managers may not only be stressed but also unappreciated themselves. But they’re missing something fundamental. In a previous article, “The Trap of Not Being Grateful for What We Have,” we saw that gratitude can lead to better moods, more happiness,
The Trap of Not Being Grateful for What We Have
With the way our brains work, it’s easy to take things for granted and not be grateful for what we have. We may appreciate things for a while but then start discounting them. The result is that we can go through long periods of our lives without noticing and acknowledging the good things. When we fail to appreciate what we have, it can lead not only to less happiness but also potentially to self-absorption and a sense of entitlement. Meanwhile, we’re missing out on the incredible benefits of gratitude. What Is Gratitude, Exactly? Dr. Robert Emmons, Professor of Psychology
The Trap of Thinking It’s Too Late for Big Things in Our Lives
Are we living a good life? Have we been pursuing our dreams? If we were to die tomorrow, would we be happy with our life, knowing we’ve lived well? Or are we thinking it’s too late to live a good life and pursue the things we want in life—our goals, dreams, or adventures? These questions may be uncomfortable, but they’re essential in informing our quality of life and whether we experience a sense of fulfillment. The State of Our Dreams Most of us have goals and dreams. Common examples include having a family, traveling around the world, building a
Are You Sleepwalking through Your Life?
It may be hard to believe when our lives seem so frenetic at times, but many of us are sleepwalking through our lives—passively going through the motions of life while not feeling awake and alive. This kind of “life sleepwalking” is different, of course, from physical sleepwalking (also known as somnambulism), in which we get up and walk around while in a state of actual sleep. But both forms of sleepwalking are similar in the sense that we’re engaging in everyday activities but not really conscious of what we’re doing. “If we’re honest, sleepwalking describes many of our lives. You
The Trap of Self-Doubt—And How to Overcome It
We’ve all experienced self-doubt. We’ve felt uncertain about ourselves and our place in the world. Or we’ve questioned our capabilities and potential. Any time we make a major mistake, we risk losing confidence. We may stop trusting ourselves as we feel wounded. Self-doubt shows up as a voice in our head: What if I make a mistake? Or look like a fool? What will people think of me? At the root of self-doubt is fear—fear of failure or judgment. Sometimes we lose faith in ourselves. Signs of Self-Doubt in Action How to know if we struggle with self-doubt? When
Self-Deception: Why We Do It and How to Stop It
Article Summary: What self-deception is, including examples and signs of it, where it comes from, its high costs (as well as some benefits), how it degrades our leadership, and what to do about it. +++ We all do it. We engage in self-deception—hiding the truth from ourselves about our true feelings, motives, or circumstances. When we’re deceiving ourselves, we’re denying evidence, logic, or reality and rationalizing choices or behaviors to serve a false narrative. We’re not seeing or viewing things accurately. Our self-deception can be conscious or unconscious, controlled or automatic, acute or chronic. “You can fool yourself, you know.
