Self-Awareness Archives

The Self-Focus Trap (and How to Escape It)

04/25/202604/24/2026 by Gregg Vanourek

A blackboard with the words “Me Myself And I” written in chalk, representing the self-focus trap and the need to stop thinking about yourself.

Summary: The more time you spend thinking about yourself, the less happy and successful you’ll be. Yet most of us do it constantly—overthinking, ruminating, and obsessing over how others see us. This post names the traps that keep you stuck in your own head and shows you how to stop thinking about yourself so much—so you can get back to actually living and enjoying your life more.

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Most of us spend an inordinate amount of time inside our own heads.

Replaying conversations. Over-interpreting signals. Imagining how we’re being perceived from moment to moment, like we’re starring in a feature film.

Here’s the thing: nobody’s watching. We’re alone in our private mental theater.

Here are everyday examples of this phenomenon in action:

The Pause: After you make a comment in a meeting, there’s a brief silence. Your mental script:

I guess that didn’t land.
I should’ve said it differently.
They think I’m a lightweight.

The reality: everybody is thinking about their lunch order. The moment passed. But you’re still oddly obsessed with how others are evaluating you (when they’re not).

The Social Interaction: You run into a former colleague at the grocery story and chat for a couple minutes. Later, you revisit the conversation:

Did I talk too much?
Did I sound weird?
Why did I say it like that?

The reality: She moved on completely. No replay, no analysis, no second thought. You? Still wondering how you came across. How freeing it is to realize others don’t care as much as we think.

The Entrance: You walk into a room at a weekend gathering and suddenly become self-conscious and hyper-aware:

Am I walking awkwardly?
Do I look stiff?
Is my smile weird?
What if they don’t like me?

The reality: Everyone is deep in their own inner world. You have an audience of one.

The Text Message: Your friend takes longer than usual to respond to your text message. Your mental script:

Did I say something wrong?
Is she upset?
Did I mess something up?

The reality: She was busy with meetings and errands and got distracted.

The Social Media Post: You post something on social media about a personal milestone. Your mental script:

Am I coming across the wrong way?
Why did I phrase it like that?
Did I overshare?
Am I trying too hard?
Is it cringe?
How many likes do I have?

The reality: people are just scrolling to pass the time and take their mind off a busy day. Most of your friends never saw the post.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

The Common Traps of Living and Thinking about Yourself Too Much

In my work on the common traps of living (the things that inhibit our happiness and quality of life), I’ve seen how thinking about yourself too much only gets you deeper in the traps. Some examples:

The Trap of Overthinking: You say something simple… then mentally revisit it 12 times.

Should I have said it differently?
How was my tone?
Did my face look funny?

Stop thinking about yourself so much (STAYSM)! You’re preoccupied with self-evaluation when you should be moving on and taking action to make things better.

The Trap of Worrying: You’ve got a big project coming up and you’re thinking:

What if this goes wrong?
What if I mess it up?
What will it mean for my career?

Stop thinking about yourself so much (STAYSM)! You’re rehearsing problems that haven’t happened and how they’ll make you look or feel instead of figuring out ways to put yourself in the best position possible and then trusting your efforts and expertise.

The Trap of Ruminating: Your brain picks a moment and refuses to let it go. Same scene. Same thought. Same feeling. No new information. Just rewind and repeat relentlessly. It’s your mind saying: “Let’s watch this awkward moment again… for the 57th time.”

Stop thinking about yourself so much (STAYSM)! You’re replaying how you’re thinking and feeling when you should be letting it go and moving on.

The Trap of Monkey Mind: You sit down to focus… and suddenly:

Did I lock my car? Should I go back and check?
I should drink more water. Am I dehydrated?
Do penguins get dehydrated?
Why did I make such a fool of myself at the 8th grade dance?
I love 80s music.
What should I have for dinner?

Stop thinking about yourself so much (STAYSM)! You’ve got too many tabs open in your head when you should be bringing your awareness back to the present moment and joining the dance of life right in front of you.

The Trap of Negative Self-Talk: You make a mistake on a work project and the internal commentary kicks in:

That was dumb.
Of course I messed that up.
I should’ve known better.
I’m such an idiot!

Stop thinking about yourself so much (STAYSM)! You’re being your own toughest critic and overly focused on your feelings and your standing with others when you should be forgiving and curious about how you can improve.

The Trap of Comparing: You’re doing fine… until you look sideways. Then suddenly:

He was quicker to get a promotion. What does that say about me?
She looks amazing in photos. Me, not so much.
They took their family to the Caribbean this year. What did we do?
Their house could be in a magazine feature. Mine is a mess.

Stop thinking about yourself so much (STAYSM)! You’re focused on an invisible scorecard when you should be connecting with and contributing to others more.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

The Trap of Perfectionism: You want your presentation next week to be polished. Impeccable even. So you:

delay starting
over-edit and over-prepare
overthink the outcome

Stop thinking about yourself so much (STAYSM)! You’re obsessed with how you’ll be seen when you should be focusing on making progress and learning from mistakes.

The Trap of Limiting Beliefs: You’re thinking:

I’m not the kind of person who starts a business.
Better not to try because I might fail.
I’m not a creative person.
I’m not good with numbers.
That’s not for people like me.

Stop thinking about yourself so much (STAYSM)! You’ve got old stories running in the back of your head when you should be focusing on the different ways you can add value step by step.

The Trap of Fear: Fear isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes it just sounds like:

I’ll do it later.
Now’s not the right time.
I need to prepare more.

Stop thinking about yourself so much (STAYSM)! You’re thinking about how things will reflect back on you when you should be focused on doing what needs to be done for your family or your team or your community.

The Trap of Feeling Behind: You’re fine until you look around and start comparing timelines with people around you:

I should be where they are.
I’m late to the game and I’ll never catch up.
I missed my shot.

Stop thinking about yourself so much (STAYSM)! You’re obsessed with where you are in someone else’s timeline when you should be focused on your best next move and trusting the process from there, knowing it’s not a race.

The Trap of Catastrophizing: What could be “This might not work” magically morphs into “This will fail spectacularly.” Your mind fills in gaps with the far-fetched worst-case scenarios—and then acts as if it’s real.

Stop thinking about yourself so much (STAYSM)! You’re turning uncertainty into destined disaster and obsessing over what could go dreadfully wrong for you when you should be focusing on small actions in your control.

What to Focus on Instead of Yourself

When the problem is getting stuck inside your own head so much, the solution isn’t to “try harder not to think about yourself.” That just creates more thinking about yourself. The shift is simpler:

Start redirecting your attention to who and what’s in front of you.
When your attention turns inward, gentle reroute it outward.

Here’s what that looks in real life.

1. Focus on what’s in front of you, not what’s “about you.” Most moments aren’t actually about you. A meeting isn’t about dissecting your every move under a microscope. A conversation isn’t a commentary on your worth. A delay in response isn’t a judgment.

Usually, it’s just life unfolding in its own way and in its own time. So instead of thinking about how you’re doing in this situation and how others may be perceiving and judging you (even though they probably aren’t), focus instead on: What’s happening here that actually matters? What’s interesting?

2. Move from self-concern to contribution. When people get stuck in their heads, they often start watching themselves:

How am I coming across?
Am I saying this right?
Do I look stupid?

But the alternative is much more freeing: “What can I contribute right now?” Even something seemingly small: A helpful question. Some needed clarity. A rare kind word. Contribution pulls you out of self-observation and into solidarity and value creation.

3. Get curious about other people. While self-focus narrows your attention, curiosity expands it. Instead of mentally checking yourself and how people are perceiving you, try shifting outward:

What’s going on for them?
What are they trying to figure out?
What matters to them right now?

It’s hard to obsess about yourself when you’re genuinely interested in someone else.

4. Just do the next best thing in front of you, one step at a time. A lot of mental spiraling happens when you’re not in action mode. So the question becomes simple:

What’s the next best thing I can do right now?

Not the perfect thing; not the amazing thing; not the huge thing. Just the next logical concrete step: Send the message. Start the task. Make the call.

5. Let moments be smaller than your mind makes them. You’re probably blowing things out of proportion. An awkward comment becomes a social flop. A mistake becomes a reflection of who you are.

But most moments are actually small, simple, and quickly forgotten.

Here are other things you can do to stop thinking about yourself so much:

Do things that occupy your mind (and even better if they help you get into a state of flow).
Stop taking everything so personally.
Stop taking yourself too seriously.
Remember this: It’s not all about you!

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

Final Thoughts

You don’t escape self-focus by thinking differently. You escape it by shifting attention outward—into curiosity, contribution, and action.

Stop turning inward and turn outward instead. Focus more on living. In the moment, in the now. Pay attention as things are unfolding in front of you.

You may want happiness and success, but the more time you spend thinking about yourself and whether you’re getting them, the less happy and successful you’ll be.

Think about it for a moment. Right now, babies are taking their first breath. People are falling in love. Someone is hearing good news they’ve waited years for. Others are hearing bad news. Our planet is spinning and floating in a magnificent and miraculous universe of God’s creation. And you’re here for such a brief, beautiful window of it. One day, you too will leave this life. Memento mori.

So start fully living… by not thinking about yourself so much.

STAYSM: Stop thinking about yourself so much!

Wishing you well with it.
–Gregg

Tools for You

Traps Test (Common Traps of Living) to help you identify what’s getting in the way of your happiness and quality of life.
Quality of Life Assessment so you can discover your strongest areas and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.
Crafting Your Life & Work (my signature online course) to help you design your next chapter and create a life you love.

Postscript: Inspirations on the Self-Focus Trap

“Most people are in love with their particular life drama. Their story is their identity. The ego runs their life. They have their whole sense of self invested in it.” -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
“…we must give ourselves permission to stop thinking about ourselves, to know that it’s not all about us. In that knowledge, in that permission, is sweet liberation…. Taking our minds off ourselves is a radical act, an open revolt and a blessed relief.” -S. Rufus, author
“In my own practice, I am seeing a growing tendency for some people to become overly self-focused and, at times, emotionally fragile.” -Dr. Heather Sequeria, consultant psychologist
“I think you guys might be thinking about yourselves too much.” -actor Jemima Kirke, the former GIRLS star, when asked for her advice for “unconfident young women”
“I realised that thinking about other people… was a healing balm.” -Victoria Spratt, journalist
“When the ego dies, the soul awakes.” -Mahatma Gandhi, Indian lawyer and transformational leader
“As long as the egoic mind is running your life, you cannot truly be at ease; you cannot be at peace or fulfilled except for brief intervals when you obtained what you wanted, when a craving has just been fulfilled.” -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
“…self-loathing is self-absorption—just as unhealthy, useless and isolating as the self-absorption we despise in narcissists. Like narcissists, although for different reasons, we think constantly about ourselves.” -S. Rufus, author

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

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Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, and TEDx speaker on personal development and leadership. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for living with purpose and passion, co-authored with Christopher Gergen) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards, co-authored with his father, Bob Vanourek). He has worked for market-leading ventures and given talks or workshops in 8 countries. Check out his Crafting Your Life & Work online course or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!

Beyond the Inner Critic: How to Practice Self-Compassion

03/27/202603/25/2026 by Gregg Vanourek

Woman thinking about how to practice self-compassion at conference table

Article Summary:

You’re often your own harshest critic—judging yourself and speaking to yourself in ways you’d never do to others. Here you’ll discover how to practice self-compassion as a potent antidote.

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When the meeting ended, some people nodded and smiled. But that’s not what stuck with Rachel.

What stuck with her was the prospect’s question she didn’t answer fully. The slide she knew she could’ve explained better. The moment she fumbled for words.

By the time she got back to her desk, she was berating herself:

You blew it. After all that practice. What an idiot.

It didn’t matter that the prospect followed up with interest.

Instead, she replayed her mistakes again and again.

What’s wrong with you?

By the end of the day, she was drained, discouraged, and quietly dreading her next presentation.

But what Rachel needed wasn’t more self-flagellation and judgment. It was self-compassion.

What Is Self-Compassion

Compassion is the feeling you get when you’re faced with the suffering of another and you’re motivated to relieve it. With self-compassion, you simply turn that feeling and motivation inward.

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research and a University of Texas professor, self-compassion has three elements:

self-kindness: being kind and understanding toward yourself when you’re having negative feelings and not being harsh in judging yourself
mindfulness: noticing your thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them, which only leads to further suffering
common humanity: perceiving your pain or discomfort as part of our shared human experience and not falling into the trap of overly dramatizing your pain

When you’re exercising self-compassion, you stop being your own enemy and you start being an ally to yourself.

Sometimes it feels easier to be compassionate with others than it does with yourself. The thought of self-compassion might make you feel undeserving, self-indulgent, or needy. It might summon embarrassment or shame.

Self-compassion may feel unfamiliar to you because it wasn’t modeled to you when you were young. You may have grown up with parents who were harsh and judgmental with themselves and/or others. They have been overly critical of you and made you feel rejected.

In her book Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach notes that you may be in the habit of distancing yourself from emotional pain—things like anger, jealousy, or fear—by “covering it over with self-judgment.” In fact, some people do this their whole lives, often without even being aware of it. And they can be brutal about it.

Self-compassion isn’t about suppressing your pain or trying to will it away. Rather it’s about accepting that you’re feeling pain but treating yourself with care and kindness—and giving yourself comfort and support. (1)

In her book, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, Dr. Neff busts some common misconceptions about self-compassion. The highlights: It’s not a form of self-pity, and it doesn’t signal weakness. Self-compassion won’t make you complacent. And it’s not selfish or narcissistic.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

The Benefits of Practicing Self-Compassion

Self-compassion brings a wide range of benefits. When you practice it, you’ll likely have lower levels of anxiety and depression. It will make you less likely to engage in rumination and less likely to suppress your thoughts and feelings (which can be harmful). Self-compassion can help you address perfectionism. It can make you more likely to learn from your mistakes and to persist through adversity while also enhancing your ability to cope with failure.

Practicing self-compassion can lead to significant improvements in your social connectedness and relationships. It can boost your motivation for self-improvement by avoiding the cycle of negative self-talk, and it can lead to greater overall life satisfaction.

But there are things that can get in the way. According to Dr. Neff, things like self-judgment, isolation, and overidentification can inhibit self-compassion.

How to Practice Self-Compassion

The path to self-compassion begins with changing how you relate to yourself when things go wrong. Here are 10 ways you can practice self-compassion:

1. Notice when you’re being critical of yourself. For example, are you calling yourself names or talking down to yourself? (“You’re such an idiot. I can’t believe how stupid you are. You’re so pathetic.”) If you’re like others, it may be when you’re experiencing disappointment or failure—or shame, embarrassment, or humiliation.

2. Shift your perspective outward. Consider how you would respond to a friend in the same situation. Chances are, you’d be far more understanding with them than you are with yourself. Why not take that gentler and more supportive approach with yourself?

3. Be tolerant of your mistakes, flaws, and inadequacies. Recognize that you’re only human, and that nobody is perfect. Remind yourself that self-criticism is not only ineffective but also damaging. Trying to motivate yourself to change by being extra harsh on yourself is a recipe for failure.

4. Engage in positive self-talk. Notice the tone of your inner voice. When it turns harsh or critical, gently interrupt it and replace it with something more supportive. You don’t have to be over the top. Just speak to yourself in a way that’s grounded in reality and fair while also encouraging.

5. Remind yourself that what you’re feeling isn’t unique to you. There are many people far and wide who are probably experiencing what you’re experiencing and feeling the way you’re feeling. We all experience the ups and downs of life.

6. Place your pain and suffering in the larger context of the human journey of challenge and growth. Remind yourself that struggle isn’t a personal failing. It’s part of being human, and something everyone experiences in different ways. When you step back and see your difficulties as part of a shared journey, they often feel more manageable and less isolating.

7. Write yourself a note or letter that extends compassion to yourself. Draft it from the perspective of a friend, family member, or mentor who supports you enthusiastically, loves you unconditionally, and wants what’s best for you. Sometimes there’s great power in putting things down on paper.

8. Practice mindfulness, perhaps by engaging in loving-kindness meditation. Instead of getting swept up in your thoughts or pushing your feelings away, simply notice what’s happening with a sense of openness and curiosity. Practices like loving-kindness help you slow down and intentionally direct warmth and goodwill toward yourself, especially in moments when you need it most.

9. Seek help via therapy, perhaps including compassion-focused therapy (CFT). A skilled therapist can help you recognize patterns of harsh self-criticism and guide you toward healthier, more compassionate ways of relating to yourself. You don’t have to figure it out alone. Having structured support can make it easier to turn insight into lasting change.

10. Engage in prayer. When you’re facing adversity or difficult feelings, appeal to a higher spirit or something larger than yourself. In doing so, you can find a sense of comfort, perspective, and connection that reminds you that you’re not carrying it all on your own.

Conclusion

In the end, self-compassion isn’t indulgence. It’s fuel for better living. It can help make you a better leader, parent, friend, and human being.

Self-compassion steadies you when you stumble and keeps you moving forward without the drag of self-judgment. When you learn to treat yourself with the same understanding and care you offer others, you don’t lower your standards; you raise your capacity to meet them.

Don’t expect instant results. It may take time and effort for you to develop this capacity, especially if you have a history of being hard on yourself.

The next time you struggle, pause, soften, and choose a different response. That small shift can change not just how you feel, but how you live.

Tools for You

Traps Test (Common Traps of Living) to help you identify what’s getting in the way of your happiness and quality of life.
Quality of Life Assessment so you can discover your strongest areas and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.
Crafting Your Life & Work (my signature online course) to help you design your next chapter and create a life you love.

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

Postscript: Inspirations on Self-Compassion

“When we carry our pain with the kindness of acceptance instead of the bitterness of resistance, our hearts become an edgeless sea of compassion. We… become the compassionate presence that can hold, with tenderness, the rising and passing waves of suffering.” -Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance
“When we’re kind to ourselves, we create a reservoir of compassion that we can extend to others.” – Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
“A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.” -Christopher K. Germer, The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions
“…this revolutionary act of treating ourselves tenderly can begin to undo the aversive messages of a lifetime.” -Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance
“To cultivate the tenderness of compassion, we not only stop running from suffering, we deliberately bring our attention to it…. as we feel suffering and relate to it with care rather than resistance, we awaken the heart of compassion.” -Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance
“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-disgust are grievous errors. Your constant flight from pain and search for pleasure is a sign of love you bear for your self, all I plead with you is this: make love of your self perfect.” -Nisargadatta Maharaj, I Am That: Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
“Self-compassion is like a muscle. The more we practice flexing it, especially when life doesn’t go exactly according to plan (a frequent scenario for most of us), the stronger and more resilient our compassion muscle becomes.” -Sharon Salzberg, author and teacher of Buddhist meditation practice
“Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance.” -Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance
“Where we think we need more self-discipline, we usually need more self-love.” -Tara Mohr, author
“When we truly care for ourselves, it becomes possible to care far more profoundly about other people. The more alert and sensitive we are to our own needs, the more loving and generous we can be toward others.” –Eda LeShan
“What is happening in your innermost self is worthy of your entire love; somehow you must find a way to work at it.” -Rainer Maria Rilke, Austrian poet
“How much we know and understand ourselves is critically important, but there is something that is even more essential to living a wholehearted life: loving ourselves.” -Brené Brown, researcher and author
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” -Jack Kornfield, psychologist and Buddhist monk and teacher
“The way you treat your own heart is the way you will end up treating everyone else’s.” -John Eldridge, author and counselor
“Compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves.” -Pema Chödrön, nun and Tibetan Buddhist
“If you are unkind to yourself, you will be unkind to others. And if you are negligent of yourself, you will be that to others. Only by feeling compassion for yourself can you feel compassion for others. If you cannot love yourself you cannot love others, and you cannot stand to see others loved. If you cannot treat your own self kindly, you will resent that treatment when you see it in anyone else. If you cannot love yourself, loving others becomes a very painful endeavor with only occasional moments of comfort.” -Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul
“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones..” -Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)

“Study after study shows that self-criticism is consistently associated with less motivation and worse self-control…. In contrast, self-compassion–being supportive and kind to yourself, especially in the face of stress and failure–is associated with more motivation and better self-control.” -Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct

(1) When practicing self-compassion, you may experience what’s called “backdraft,” in which your pain increases at first, since you’re letting it in, much like when a fire in a closed space suddenly explodes because fresh air rushes in and ignites built-up gases all at once. But it’s temporary and clears the space for healing.

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Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, and TEDx speaker on personal development and leadership. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for living with purpose and passion) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards). He has worked for market-leading ventures and given talks or workshops in 8 countries. Check out his Crafting Your Life & Work online course or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!

Digital Overload: A SAD Way to Live

02/23/202602/23/2026 by Gregg Vanourek

What a SAD way to live: letting the digital overload of Screens, Algorithms, and Devices take over so much of our lives. If you spend an average of just two hours a day on your device—a conservative estimate for most—you will have given up a staggering 10 years of your waking life to screens by the time you reach age 80. Many people spend double that. That’s 20 years. (1)

Yes, our devices are amazing, but are they worth giving up so much of our time on the planet?

Clearly, there are tradeoffs. Technology is great because you can text your spouse about the grocery list, connect with friends, and buy things at the click of a button. But what about binge-watching, doom-scrolling, validation seeking, comparison scrolling, Pavlovian notification checking, clickbait chasing, impulse buying, and rabbit-hole falling? How much time have you spent on those?

“Some days, we just need to turn the quiet up.”
-Dr. SunWolf, Professor, Santa Clara University

And how dependent are you on your phone? These days, there’s even a term for it: “nomophobia” (when you fear being detached from mobile phone connectivity, i.e., “NO MObile PHone PhoBIA”).

Think about how you feel when you’ve been on your device for a while. Frazzled. Dull. Lifeless. Mopey. Exhausted. In a nutshell, probably worse.

The Value of Screens and Devices

You can of course derive great value from technology and devices. You might use educational apps to learn a new language. Take online courses to advance your career. Attend virtual meetings to save time. Use video calls to stay close with distant relatives. Use health apps to track wellness goals. All good.

But there are also many risks and downsides to using screens and devices so often.

The Downsides of Digital Overload with Screens and Devices

Mounting research connects heavy screen use with a host of potential harmful consequences, including:

addiction
increased anxiety and depression
reduced attention spans
reduced cognitive function
eye strain
trouble maintaining focus
exposure to disturbing or harmful content
reduced time outdoors
sedentary behavior
sleep disruption
social isolation

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

What About Algorithms?

As with screens and devices, so it goes with algorithms. An algorithm is essentially a set of invisible instructions that tells a computer what to do or show you next, based on your behavior (clicks, view time, etc.). When YouTube cues up a string of related videos after you watch one, that’s the algorithm at work.

The algorithm isn’t designed to serve your best interests. It’s designed to keep your eyes on the screen, because more time on the platform means more advertising revenue for them. In other words, they’re selling your attention to advertisers. They’re monitoring and monetizing you.

“Imagine walking into a control room with a bunch of people hunched over a desk with little dials, and that that control room will shape the thoughts and feelings of a billion people. This might sound like science fiction, but this actually exists right now, today…. Right now it’s as if all of our technology is basically only asking our lizard brain what’s the best way to impulsively get you to do the next tiniest thing with your time, instead of asking: in your life, what would be time well spent for you?” -Tristan Harris, Executive Director, Center for Humane Technology

The Benefits of Algorithms

Of course, there are many benefits that can come from algorithms. For example, you can use them to do (or help with) many things, including:

solving crimes
analyzing huge data sets (e.g., monitoring power grids for failures, detecting early signs of cancer in medical imaging)
automating boring or repetitive tasks
identifying students at risk of dropping out of school
developing vaccines

The possibilities are remarkable. But there are also dangers that are easy to miss.

The Insidious Effects of Algorithms on Our Lives

In his book, Against the Machine: On the Unmaking of Humanity, English writer Paul Kingsnorth notes that even the words we use to describe the tech we use every day (e.g., “the web,” “the net”) are revealing: “These are things designed to trap prey.” They trap us with the promise of dopamine hits from “likes” and the hope of finding that super-cute cat video.

Author Cathy O’Neil calls a certain class of algorithms “weapons of math destruction”:

“The math-powered applications powering the data economy were based on choices made by fallible human beings. Some of these choices were no doubt made with the best intentions. Nevertheless, many of these models encoded human prejudice, misunderstanding, and bias into the software systems that increasingly managed our lives. Like gods, these mathematical models were opaque, their workings invisible to all but the highest priests in their domain: mathematicians and computer scientists…. I came up with a name for these harmful kinds of models: Weapons of Math Destruction.” -Cathy O’Neil, Weapons of Math Destruction: How Big Data Increases Inequality and Threatens Democracy

Here are some ways that algorithms can be harmful:

amplification of bias and discrimination (e.g., in criminal sentencing, hiring/screening job candidates, housing/renting, insurance rates, loan applications, university admissions)
manipulation of consumers and voters (e.g., giving people only information that supports their preferences or preconceptions, or taking people down “rabbit holes” with conspiracy theories)
spreading of misinformation and false narratives
intensification of polarization
erosion of privacy
distortion of your self-image (e.g., body shape) (2)

Another issue with algorithms is that they’re often mysterious. Sometimes even their programmers don’t fully understand them.

Though they’re very effective at many things, algorithms often miss the nuances associated with complex endeavors, leading to unforeseen consequences. Consider when they’re involved with decisions about teaching students or caring for sick patients.

What’s more, the errors associated with (or caused by) algorithms are often magnified due to the scale that technology facilitates. According to journalist and author Hilke Schellmann, “One biased human hiring manager can harm a lot of people in a year, and that’s not great. But an algorithm that is maybe used in all incoming applications at a large company… that could harm hundreds of thousands of applicants.”

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

What to Do About Digital Overload

What does this mean for you? How can you derive the benefits of technology without succumbing to digital overload? Here are five things you can do to reduce the damage caused by excessive use of screens, algorithms, and devices:

1. Set boundaries around your device use. Example: no screens for the first and last hour of each day. This would give you time to ease into your morning with coffee and a book instead of emails, and wind down at night without the blue light and mental stimulation that can interfere with sleep. Also, track your average daily device time and take action when it’s ballooning. (3)

2. Create screen-free zones in your home. Example: keep devices out of the bedroom so it remains a space for rest and connection. Establish a no-phones-at-the-table rule so meals become a time for talking instead of scrolling.

3. Calendarize offline activities. If screen time is preventing you from engaging in hobbies, reading, exercising, cooking, meditating, or spending time outdoors, develop a system to help turn the tide. Example: block out an evening each week for your hobby. Take a short walk after lunch every day. Set aside Saturday mornings for reading with your coffee.

There are two keys to this approach. The first is to develop habits and routines that make it easier to do things you enjoy instead of defaulting to passive digital consumption. The second is to get outside much more. Journalist and author Richard Louv laments what he calls “nature deficit-disorder,” which he defines as “a diminished ability to find meaning in the life that surrounds us.” He explains that it’s not a medical diagnosis; rather, it’s a simple way to describe the growing gap between us and nature.

“There’s no WiFi in the forest, but you’ll find a better connection.”
-author unknown

4. Turn off notifications. Frequent pings and buzzes fragment your attention and create unnecessary urgency around trivial things. Action: disable all notifications except calls and texts from your “favorites” list, so you’re not interrupted by every new email or social media like while you’re working on a project or having dinner with friends. (And just because you see a notification doesn’t mean you need to address it now.)

5. Create a digital detox routine. Example: designate every Sunday as a screen-free day to recharge and reconnect with loved ones and the natural world.

Conclusion: Defeating Digital Overload

Sometimes our use of technology masks deeper issues. Are you using tech to avoid problems at home or to numb your pain? Do you resort to screens and devices instead of developing a rich inner life?

It’s now painfully clear that even though we’re deriving great value from these products, we’re also paying dearly for them in terms of our precious time, wellbeing, and sanity.

How about you? Is it time to take your life back from the “SAD three” (Screens, Algorithms, Devices) so you can spend more time living, breathing, connecting, serving, loving, and thriving? I suspect you know the answer. The key is keeping your focus on what really matters—and counting the cost of trading it away for the digital abyss.

Here’s to living well and deploying our devices to serve our own needs and not vice versa.
–Gregg

Tools for You

Traps Test (Common Traps of Living) to help you identify what’s getting in the way of your happiness and quality of life.
Quality of Life Assessment so you can discover your strongest areas and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.
Crafting Your Life & Work (my signature online course) to help you design your next chapter and create a life you love.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

Postscript: Quotations on Digital Overload and Technology

“Passive screen time is like eating sugar but for your brain. It ‘tastes’ good, and you want it now, but you’re not actually feeding yourself. You’re not giving your brain any nutrition.” -Maris Loeffler, family and marriage therapist
“…carving out time to turn off your devices, to disconnect from the wired world and engage with the real people who are all around you, is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and the people you love.” -Alan Brown, entrepreneur
“…we are not slaves to these devices unless we allow ourselves to become so. To me, the trick is to put yourself in charge of your screens instead of allowing your screens to be in charge of you.” -Dr. Edward Hallowell, M.D., child and adult psychiatrist
“Unlike television, nature does not steal time; it amplifies it. Nature offers healing for a child living in a destructive family or neighborhood.” -Richard Louv, Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder
“In today’s mesmerizing digital landscape, our attention is madly sought after. Algorithms are ingeniously designed to keep us hooked like addicts by feeding us mainlines tailored to hold us captive…” -Sol Luckman, Get Out of Here Alive
“Welcome to the age of AI, where algorithms grow bigger, and minds get smaller.” -Abhijit Naskar, The Humanitarian Dictator
“A new normal is establishing itself in which an undeclared or invisible war is fought entirely through algorithms, narratives, and manipulated media.” -Roger Spitz, The Definitive Guide to Thriving on Disruption: Volume I
“The screen is both our main source of distraction from reality and the interface by which we are directed into the coming post-human reality of the Machine…. What comes through these screens bleeds out any connection with the divine, with nature or with the fullness of humanity.… human culture is in the process of being consumed by the Machine. Something organic is being superseded by something planned; something natural by something technological. This is the anticulture of the Machine, and it supersedes and replaces the values on which older societies the world over are based.” -Paul Kingsnorth, Against the Machine: On the Unmaking of Humanity

References

(1) This calculation assumes an average of 16 waking hours per day (accounting for 8 hours of sleep). While most people do not begin significant device usage in their childhood years, this figure accounts for that by being conservative in terms of average daily usage.

(2) “For many girls, this rewiring of their self-image, this pressure to alter their appearance, happened without them realizing it. It was gradual. Subtle. Drip-fed.” -Freya India, author

(3) This is especially important for children, According to the National Institutes of Health, “Health experts say screen time at home should be limited to two hours or less a day.” Potential harm from digital overload to children includes negative academic, behavioral, physical/mental health, and social effects.

Gregg Vanourek’s Newsletter

Join our rapidly growing community. Sign up now and get monthly inspirations (new articles, opportunities, and resources). Welcome!

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Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, and TEDx speaker on personal development and leadership. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for living with purpose and passion) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards). He has worked for market-leading ventures and given talks or workshops in 8 countries. Check out his Crafting Your Life & Work online course or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!

How to Do an Annual Life Review: 7 Questions

01/06/202612/17/2025 by Gregg Vanourek

Article Summary:

Most people don’t do an annual life review. Many don’t know where to begin. Here we guide you through 7 straightforward but powerful questions that will help you take stock and plan for the year ahead—a powerful self-leadership practice.

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Most people do annual performance reviews at work, but very few people do an annual life review. That’s odd. Why not check in on how things are going in your life?

With an annual life review, you can gain clarity about how things are really going in your life, seeing the big picture more clearly. You can spot patterns—even subtle, hidden ones—that reveal what’s helping you thrive and what’s holding you back.

Most importantly, doing a life review sets you up for action and momentum so you can start the new year with focus and intention.

7 Questions to Ask in Your Annual Life Review

One reason many people don’t do an annual life review is that they don’t know how. It doesn’t have to be complicated.

In fact, it can be as simple as asking yourself the following seven questions and writing down the answers.*

1. Highlights: What were the highlights of this past year?

Look back across your year and document the moments, relationships, and accomplishments that mattered most—the high points. By revisiting your calendar and/or photos, you’ll rediscover forgotten highlights.

2. Challenges: What were the top challenges from this past year?

Next, document the challenges you faced and where you fell short of what you had hoped for. Naming them can be cathartic. And reminding yourself of what you endured can be powerful evidence of your tenacity and resilience.

3. Habits: Which habits are helping me thrive, and which are holding me back?

Reflect on your habits and daily routines—both the ones that lift you up and the ones that hold you back. Doing so helps you decide what to keep, adjust, or let go of as you move forward.

4. Aspirations: What are my top aspirations for next year?

Next, note your hopes and dreams for the year ahead across all areas of life—from health and relationships to work, learning, and personal growth. Focus on what matters most to you and consider what would make the next year fulfilling and fun.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

5. Gratitude: What am I most grateful for from this year?

Now, focus on the people, moments, and experiences you’re most grateful for—including those that brought you the most joy. Take time to celebrate and savor the positives in your life.

6. Take-Aways: What are my top take-aways from this review process?

Finally, step back and look for patterns. Notice what drove your highs and lows, the lessons learned, and the insights that can make next year even better.

7. Top Focus: What will be my top focus for the coming year?

Determine your top focus for the year ahead—the one area that, if prioritized, could make the biggest difference in your life. Focusing here gives you clarity, direction, and a guiding star for your actions. (It can also help you decide what you should stop doing or politely decline.)

That’s it. Seven powerful questions to take stock and set you up for success in the new year. See below for my Annual Life Review Template.

Annual Life Review Template

Annual Life Review

Reflect on the past year and clarify what matters most for the year ahead.

1. Highlights

What stood out as the best moments or wins from this past year?

2. Challenges

What were the most significant obstacles or difficulties I faced?

3. Habits

Which habits supported my growth, and which ones limited it?

4. Aspirations

What do I most want to create, pursue, or become in the year ahead?

5. Gratitude

What am I deeply grateful for from this past year and what brought me joy?

6. Key Takeaways

What insights or lessons emerged from this reflection?

7. Primary Focus

What single focus will matter most in the coming year?

Conclusion: How to Do an Annual Life Review

As you go through this process, give yourself grace. Don’t expect a perfect year. That’s a fool’s errand.

Instead, focus on honoring your real year—messiness and frustrations included. Approach the process with curiosity and self-compassion. And with thanks and wonder. Let insight replace self-criticism. Guard your heart and have faith.

Pro Tip: This process is helpful when done alone but much richer when you do it with others. Share your annual life review with someone you trust. Even better, exchange reviews and discuss them together. Doing so can deepen your connection. Together you can brainstorm creative new ideas, provide encouragement, and hold each other accountable for your chosen commitments.

In the end, doing an annual life can bring more clarity and insight to your life. A renewed sense of agency. And determination to keep learning and growing. It lays the groundwork for action and momentum, helping you enter the new year ready to thrive.

Wishing you well with it—and let me know if I can help.
–Gregg

Tools for You

Traps Test (Common Traps of Living) to help you identify what’s getting in the way of your happiness and quality of life.
Quality of Life Assessment so you can discover your strongest areas and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.
Personal Values Exercise to help you determine and clarify what’s most important to you

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

Appendix: Additional Life Review Questions (Extra Credit)

For most people, answering the seven questions above will be enough. But if you want to go deeper, here are eight more targeted questions you can ask to turbocharge your annual life review:

1. Quality of Life: In what areas is my quality of life high, and which ones need work? (Resource: Quality of Life Assessment.)

2. Traps of Living: What are the top things that are inhibiting my happiness and fulfillment? (Resource: Traps Test.)

3. Purpose: To what extent am I living purposefully, and what more will I do? (Resource: “How to Discover Your Purpose.”)

4. Values: To what extent am I building my life around what’s important to me and upholding my deeply held beliefs, and what more will I do? (Resource: Personal Values Exercise.)

Personal Values Exercise

Complete this exercise to identify your personal values. It will help you develop self-awareness, including clarity about what’s most important to you in life and work, and serve as a safe harbor for you to return to when things are tough.

5. Vision: To what extent am I working toward my vision of the good life (a bold and vivid picture of my desired future), and what more will I do? (Resource: “How to Craft a Vision of the Good Life.”)

6. Strengths: To what extent am I using my core strengths (the things at which I most excel) in my life, and what more will I do? (Resource: Strengths Search.)

7. Passions: To what extent am I building my passions (the things that consume me with palpable emotion over time) into my life, and what more will I do? (Resource: Passion Probe.)

8. Goals: To what extent am I clear about the desired results I’d like to achieve and organizing my life and time accordingly? What more will I do on this front? (Resource: Goals Guide: Best Practices in Setting and Pursuing Goals.)

Postscript: Inspirations on How to Do an Annual Life Review

(Doing a personal annual review) “will be your highest leverage activity all year long.” -Matthias Frank, writer
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” -Socrates
“When you review your year as a whole, seemingly unrelated parts of your life come into focus at once, enabling you to connect the dots.” -Fadeka Adegbuyi, writer
“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.” –Margaret J. Wheatley, writer and teacher
“There is one art of which people should be masters—the art of reflection.” -Samuel Taylor Coleridge, English poet, philosopher, and theologian
“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.” -Peter Drucker, consultant and author

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

* It’s important to write down your answers for several reasons. For example, it gives you a record to review. You can compare years and assess progress. Also, it’s easier to track your progress and hold yourself accountable when you have a written starting point.

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Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, and TEDx speaker on personal development and leadership. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for living with purpose and passion) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards). He has worked for market-leading ventures and given talks or workshops in 8 countries. Check out his Crafting Your Life & Work online course or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!

How to Be More Present with People

03/11/202612/11/2025 by Gregg Vanourek

Article Summary:

These days, it’s getting harder and harder to be fully present with the people around us. Learn what presence is, why it matters, the barriers to it, and how to practice it.

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Do your days feel frenzied, frenetic, and frantic instead of peaceful and purposeful? With packed schedules, endless to-do lists, and all the demands of modern life, you may find it hard to be fully present with the people around you.

What people really want from you when they’re with you is your presence—your full and undivided attention. Signs of focus and care.

When they get it, it’s powerful, in part because the experience of receiving full attention from someone is so rare these days.

What Is Presence?

What does it mean to be present with someone? Presence means being deeply tuned in to the person you’re with. You’re aware of the moment you’re in and what’s going on with you emotionally. It entails:

being mentally, emotionally, and physically engaged (not distracted or preoccupied)
listening intently (and without thinking about how you’ll respond)

Being present requires mindful attention. For starters, that means putting down the phone. But it also means silencing your inner chatter about your task list or what’s bothering you. It’s all about focusing on the now.

“Presence is not some exotic state that we need to search for or manufacture. In the simplest terms, it is the felt sense of wakefulness, openness, and tenderness that arises when we are fully here and now with our experience.”
-Tara Brach

The Benefits of Presence

What are the benefits of presence? When you’re actually present with people, it:

shows respect and care
creates a climate of safety
helps them feel seen, valued, and understood
offers emotional relief to people who feel overwhelmed or unseen
helps move interactions from surface-level interaction to genuine connection
builds trust
improves communication
strengthens relationships
deepens intimacy*
makes gatherings more meaningful and memorable

“When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence.
How can you love if you are not there?”
-Thich Nhat Hanh

Presence also has positive effects on its giver, not just the recipient. Being present can be an antidote to anxiety. It can enhance your joy and heighten your appreciation of people and things.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

What Prevents You from Being Fully Present?

Why is being fully present with people so freakin’ hard? There are many barriers to presence, including:

our daily deluge of digital distractions
emotional overwhelm
unprocessed stress
unresolved worries
incessant cognitive chatter
reflexive multitasking

Part of the problem is our overly rushed culture. Are you afraid of slowing down and falling behind or missing out on things? And does that keep you bouncing from one thing to another? Is your use of technology and devices sapping your ability to get and remain present and focused?

“In the 21st century, being fully in the present moment is becoming something of a Herculean feat, and we live in a state of near-constant distraction.” -Charlie Huntington, “Presence: Meaning, Benefits, & Theory,” Berkeley Well-Being Institute

How to Be More Present with People: Stop Phoning It In

Here are eight ways you can be more present with people:

Recall how awful it feels when people are distracted and not paying attention to you.
Put your phone away. (Seriously, if it’s nearby, it will pull you into its virtual vortex.)
Pause and breathe before starting a conversation.
Maintain eye contact.
Pay attention to details like the person’s tone and body language.
Notice when your attention starts wandering and bring it back to the person in front of you.
Acknowledge their key points and feelings.
Ask follow-up questions (e.g., “say more about that…”).

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

Conclusion: A Call to Presence

Presence is becoming harder and rarer in this age of attention hijacking. The algorithms are shrewd. Swiping, doom scrolling, and binge watching don’t lend themselves to deep presence with people.

Being fully present with the people you’re with helps you create more meaningful moments with them. And of course, it costs nothing but time and attention.

Why not show up fully for the people around you? Give them the gift of your time and undivided attention. You’ll both be glad you did.
–Gregg

Tools for You

Traps Test (Common Traps of Living) to help you identify what’s getting in the way of your happiness and quality of life.
Quality of Life Assessment so you can discover your strongest areas and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.
Crafting Your Life & Work online course to help you design your next chapter and create a life and work you love.

Postscript: Inspirations on How to Be More Present with People

“Life is available only in the present moment.” -Thich Nhat Hanh
“As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love—even the most simple action.” -Eckhart Tolle
“We convince by our presence.” -Walt Whitman

* Presence can also help facilitate intimacy and a higher quality sexual connection with your partner. Source: Silverstein, R. G., Brown, A. C. H., Roth, H. D., & Britton, W. B. (2011). Effects of mindfulness training on body awareness to sexual stimuli: implications for female sexual dysfunction. Psychosomatic Medicine, 73(9), 817–825.

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

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Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, and TEDx speaker on personal development and leadership. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for living with purpose and passion) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards). He has worked for market-leading ventures and given talks or workshops in 8 countries. Check out his Crafting Your Life & Work online course or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!

Career Tips for Young Professionals

11/03/2025 by Gregg Vanourek

The job market today? It’s tough. If you’re a young professional just starting out, or even a few years in, you know the feeling: the landscape is brutal and the competition is fierce.

Consider the following: The unemployment rate for new job market entrants—including recent college graduates and others just beginning their full-time careers—reached a nine-year high this year, according to federal data. Their share of the total unemployed population also climbed to its highest level in decades.

Meanwhile, the once-reliable path from college to career may be breaking down. For the first time in modern history, the bachelor’s degree is failing to deliver on its core promise of access to white-collar jobs, according to researchers at The Burning Glass Institute, a labor-focused research and data lab. Federal data shows that 20- to 24-year-olds with bachelor’s degrees now face the highest relative unemployment levels of any education group.*

U.S. Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell has pointed out that we’re in a “low-firing, low-hiring environment,” which makes it tough for young workers (and others) to break into the labor force. The result for many young workers is frustration and self-doubt. One observer has called it “Gen Z’s career apocalypse.”

Landing a great job in this environment can feel like an uphill battle. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed or unsure about how to approach the beginning of your career.

But here’s the good news: there are great opportunities out there if you know how to approach things and differentiate yourself.

Career Tips for Young Professionals

Given this challenging context, here are 12 career tips for young professionals:

1. Know yourself deeply. That means knowing your personal values (what’s most important to you), your strengths (the things at which you most excel), your passions (the things that consume you with palpable emotion over time), and your purpose (why you’re here). This requires time for reflection. Knowing yourself well gives you a strong personal foundation—and safe harbor in the storms. That will help you stay true to your own guiding lights and not get caught up in chasing other people’s definitions of success.

“…the secret of career satisfaction lies in doing what you enjoy most. A few lucky people discover this secret early in life, but most of us are caught in a kind of psychological wrestling match, torn between what we think we can do, what we (or others) feel we ought to do, and what we think we want to do. Our advice? Concentrate instead on who you are, and the rest will fall into place.” -Paul D. Tieger, Barbara Barron, and Kelly Tieger, Do What You Are

2. Focus on learning and growth. When considering job options (if you’re fortunate enough to have them), prioritize opportunities for learning and growth. Find out whether the organization offers valuable learning and development opportunities.

Adopt a “growth mindset” (not a fixed mindset), and look for organizations with a “learn-it-all” culture (not a “know-it-all” culture). Your ability to learn quickly and adapt will serve you well. Be curious, ask questions, and seek feedback (and get good at receiving and acting on it). Develop a consistent habit of lifelong learning.

“…prioritize continuous learning and skill development…. Investing in your ongoing learning not only boosts your current job performance but also positions you for future career opportunities, showcasing your commitment to personal and professional growth and enhancing your adaptability in a dynamic job market.” -Cole Amstutz, Vice President of Commercial Business Development, ServiceMaster by Rice

3. In this age of technology and A.I., double down on human skills. As technology handles more and more routine tasks, your professional value is increasingly tied to uniquely human traits. Things like critical thinking, emotional intelligence (EQ), empathetic communication, and team collaboration. Machines can do a lot, but there’s no substitute for the human factor. Ultimately, strengthening your EQ and problem-solving abilities will help you navigate nuanced client or group interactions, lead teams, and drive innovation.

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

4. Explore and test your career options. If you haven’t yet found that powerful combination of what you like to do, what you’re good at, and what you can get paid for, you’re wise to remain in what I call “discover mode” and try things. Get exposure to different functional areas. Consider important variables like the size (small, medium, large) and stage (early-, middle-, late-) of the venture that suits you. Be open to career pivots. Very few careers these days are straight lines. Meanwhile, each role you take can teach you something valuable if you have a growth mindset.

“One of the things is putting pressure on having that perfect solution lined up. While we should dream big, sometimes we need to make smaller moves and small experiments to build confidence and gather data and grow more organically in a new direction. In reality, what works is getting anchored in existing strengths and experiences and have a general feeling of success. There is no real way to know the answers… of what to pursue next in our careers unless we’re running small tests and learning from them.” -Jenny Blake, author and podcaster

5. Find a wave and ride it. Venture capitalist Erik Straser wisely urges young workers to find a powerful market trend that will continue for decades and take advantage of it. (Examples: AI, automation, clean tech, smart infrastructure, aging populations, mental health, urbanization, upskilling and reskilling, multigenerational workforces, circular economy, etc.) What are current trends that pique your interest and that you’re well positioned to help advance (or could be)? Remember: you have a choice about which industry and sector you work in.

6. Focus on building “career capital.” In his excellent book, So Good They Can’t Ignore You, Georgetown University computer science professor Cal Newport emphasizes the importance of “career capital” (vocational assets that you can leverage). You build career capital by developing and using rare and valuable skills, not by chasing prestige or convenience, and adding value to your colleagues and organization via smart and hard work. Once you have enough of it, you can trade it for desirable things like autonomy, a flexible schedule, and meaningful work. It gives you freedom and leverage to shape your career and choose work that fits you well and that matters to you.

“(Career capital) is the key currency for the work you love.”
-Cal Newport

Have a high standard of performance and do excellent work consistently. And don’t wait for permission. Take initiative by volunteering for projects, suggesting improvements, and “leading from below.”

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

7. Look for a great boss. It can make all the difference in your work experience and in the opportunities you get (or don’t get) to contribute and advance. A strong manager provides guidance, challenges you to grow, and opens doors you might never reach on your own. Good leaders help you build skills and set a foundation for long-term success. Often, choosing who you work for is just as important as what you do.

8. Vet the organizations you’re focusing on. Interviews should be a two-way street. Yes, you need to demonstrate your value and give them compelling reasons to hire you. But you should also ask thoughtful, specific questions about their culture, training, and career paths during your interviews. Doing so shows you’ve done your homework and signals that you have high standards for where you invest your time and energy. (See my article, “How to Find a Great Organization to Work For.”)

9. Engage in “discovery-driven networking.” In their book, The Innovator’s DNA, Jeff Dyer, Hal Gregersen, and Clayton Christensen distinguish between two types of networking. “Delivery-driven networking” (the standard type) focuses on accessing resources, selling products, and advancing caeers. It’s transactional and focused on getting what you want. “Discovery-driven networking,” by contrast, focuses on learning new things, obtaining new perspectives, and testing ideas in process. It’s more relational and reciprocal—and effective and enjoyable.

“The currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.”
-Keith Ferrazzi, Never Eat Alone

Your networking should be focused on building real connections, not trying to extract things from people. Seek out people who inspire you and listen deeply to their guidance. Also, make sure that your relationships are reciprocal. Be generous and help others, even when you’re young. If you take time to develop and maintain a strong network, it will be one of the greatest assets in your career.

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

10. In a crowded job market, find ways to be a “purple cow.” Seth Godin’s “purple cow” is a metaphor for remarkable things that stand out so much they get noticed (like a purple cow in a field of ordinary cows). In a crowded market, being ordinary can make you invisible. Think of a hiring manager with way too much to do and a stack of fifty resumes and a full day of interviews. How can you be the person who stands out from the pack and makes the interview memorable, engaging, and fun?

11. Play the long game. When you’re young, it’s easy to get caught up in immediate concerns like starting pay or benefits. Yes, those are important—but still only pieces of the bigger picture. Focus on opportunities that help you grow, build valuable skills, and work on things that truly matter to you. (It helps to develop a vision of the good life, including clarity about what a good career looks like for you.) And make sure you’re not caught up in your own ego. Never stop asking yourself how you’ll serve and make a difference.

“Be patient, but don’t get complacent. Exercise some patience while putting in the work today that will get you closer to achieving your long-term goals. In a society that wants everything on demand, be willing to sacrifice some short-term gains in order to reach greater success in the long run.” -Nick Blyth, Senior Vice President, Holmes Murphy

12. Don’t neglect the fun factor! Enjoying what you do isn’t just a perk. It fuels your energy, creativity, and resilience. When your work engages and excites you, you’re more likely to grow, perform at your best, and stick with it long enough to build valuable skills and encounter exciting opportunities. A career you love makes your hard work worthwhile and also brings out the best of you in other settings.

Conclusion: Craft a Career You Love

There’s no doubt the job market today is challenging and competitive. It may feel hopeless sometimes. But you have agency.

You’re at the start of a career journey that will likely span several decades. You’ll be spending a huge portion of your life at work. Your career isn’t something that happens to you or something you should settle for or stumble into. It’s something you can choose and craft if you play it smart.

So, take responsibility, be intentional about your choices, and recognize that every move you make today can start setting you up for a better tomorrow. The market may be tough, but with clarity about who you are and what you want—and conviction about building a career you love—you can rise to the challenge.

Wishing you well with it, and let me know if I can help.
–Gregg

Tools for You

Crafting Your Life & Work online course to help you design your next chapter and create a life and work you love.
Traps Test (Common Traps of Living) to help you identify what’s getting in the way of your happiness and quality of life.
Quality of Life Assessment so you can discover your strongest areas and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

Postscript: Inspirations on Career Tips for Young Professionals

“One of the best pieces of advice for young people is, Get to yourself quickly. If you know what you want to do, start doing it.” -David Brooks, The Second Mountain
“The deepest vocational question is not ‘What ought I to do with my life?’ It is the more elemental and demanding ‘Who am I? What is my nature?’” -Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak
“Big career decisions don’t come with a map, but all you need is a compass. In an unpredictable world, you can’t make a master plan. You can only gauge whether you’re on a meaningful path. The right next move is the one that brings you a step closer to living your core values.” -Adam Grant, professor
“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.” -Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha)
“Don’t obsess over finding your true calling. Instead, master rare and valuable skills. Once you build up the career capital that these skills generate, invest it wisely. Use it to acquire control over what you do and how you do it, and to identify and act on a life-changing mission.” -Cal Newport
“If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.” -Stephen R. Covey, educator and author
“Go to work for an organization or people you admire. It will turn you on. You ought to be happy where you are working. I always worry about people who say, ‘I’m going to do this for 10 years’ and ‘I’m going to do 10 more years of this.’ That’s a little like saving sex for your old age. Not a very good idea. Get right into what you enjoy.” -Warren Buffett, investor
“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.”–Steve Jobs, co-founder, Apple
“Align where you spend your time with what you care about the most. You’ll connect with like-minded leaders and feel the fulfillment of living out your purpose each day.” -Shannon Draayer, Director of Health and Well-being, WesleyLife
“Shadow Career is the term used to describe people who go on an alternative path from their true dream because they’ve given up on themselves.” -Dr. Benjamin Hardy, Be Your Future Self Now
“We spend far too much time at work for it not to have deep meaning.” -Satya Nadella, CEO, Microsoft
“Don’t aim at success—the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue… as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself.” -Victor Frankl, psychologist, author, and Holocaust survivor
“…God is calling you to serve Him in and from the ordinary, material, and secular activities of human life. He waits for us every day, in the laboratory, in the operating theatre, in the army barracks, in the university chair, in the factory, in the workshop, in the fields, in the home and in all the immense panorama of work. Understand this well: there is something holy, something divine, hidden in the most ordinary situations, and it is up to each one of you to discover it.” -Josemaria Escriva, Conversations
“Your career is like a garden. It can hold an assortment of life’s energy that yields a bounty for you. You do not need to grow just one thing in your garden. You do not need to do just one thing in your career.” -Jennifer Ritchie Payette, author
“Don’t be afraid or guilty to switch directions. You are not a failure for changing your mind on what you choose to do with your life. As someone who ended up finding a different career path, I initially struggled with this, but over time, I have taken comfort in realizing the ability to adapt and change is a skill.” -Dannie Patrick, Community Foundation of Greater Des Moines
“Networking isn’t just about collecting business cards; it’s about genuinely connecting with people, understanding their needs and finding ways to add value to their lives or businesses. Invest time in cultivating meaningful connections, both within and outside your industry. These relationships can open doors, provide valuable insights and even lead to unexpected opportunities down the road.” -Erin Knupp, Director of Business Development, Beal Derkenne Construction

* The Burning Glass Institute partly attributes the problem to the growing number of young Americans earning four-year degrees, outpacing demand for such workers—a gap unlikely to close soon. Also, the rise of artificial intelligence threatens entry-level knowledge jobs. A recent Stanford study found that U.S. workers ages 22 to 25 in AI-exposed roles have seen a 13% drop in employment since 2022.

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

+++++++++++++++++

Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, and TEDx speaker on personal development and leadership. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for living with purpose and passion) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards). Check out his Crafting Your Life & Work online course or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!

Health and Vitality: Keys to Your Quality of Life

10/06/202508/25/2025 by Gregg Vanourek

Article Summary:

Without health and vitality, even success and good relationships can feel empty, as stress, fatigue, or poor habits drain your joy and resilience. This article guides you through the 12 most important elements of physical and mental well-being—like nutrition, sleep, exercise, mindfulness, and resilience—so you can identify gaps, take practical steps, and build a foundation for thriving in life.

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You want to live a good life and you want to do well at work, but without health and vitality, everything else suffers. You can achieve success and build healthy relationships, but if your body is run-down or your mind is frequently stressed, it all feels hollow. Health and vitality are the foundation that everything else rests upon. They determine how much energy you bring to each day, how resilient you are in the face of challenges, and how much joy you can experience in the moments that matter most.

Here we explore the 12 most important components of health and vitality, including both physical and mental health. Together, these elements help you thrive. By taking stock of each one, you’ll gain a clearer sense of where you’re strong and where you need work.

1. Nutrition

Are you eating well and drinking enough water? Nutrition is a cornerstone of health and vitality. It influences your energy levels, mood, cognitive performance, and overall well-being. Proper nutrition can also have a big impact on heart health, blood pressure, immune system, mental clarity, sexual function, and longevity. Poor nutrition is a leading cause of premature death and disability, according to Dr. Michael Greger’s research. To help you make better dietary choices, check out the “Healthy Eating Plate” from Harvard researchers. (See my article, “Good Nutrition for Health and Wellness.”)

What will you do to improve your nutrition and hydration?

2. Sleep

Are you getting enough high-quality sleep? Sleep is a cornerstone of health and vitality, yet it’s often the most overlooked aspect of well-being. Quality sleep has a profound impact on your cognitive function, emotional regulation, and physical health. It’s an active process that rejuvenates the body and mind, preparing you for the challenges of the day ahead. Poor sleep can lead to impaired memory, mood disturbances, and decreased productivity. Practical strategies include establishing a consistent sleep schedule, creating a calm and restful sleep sanctuary, and stopping your screen time well before bedtime. (For more: “Great Sleep for Health, Wellness, and Great Work.”)

What will you do to improve your sleep quality?

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

3. Exercise

Do you move your body and exercise often and well enough? Exercise is a cornerstone of health and vitality, influencing nearly every aspect of your well-being. From enhancing mood and mental clarity to boosting energy levels and longevity, exercise is a keystone habit that triggers widespread positive changes. Incorporating movement into your daily routine can lead to improved cognitive function, better sleep quality, and lower risk of chronic diseases. The key is consistency and finding a routine that fits well with your lifestyle. (More here: “Exercise and Movement for Health, Wellness, and Great Work.”)

What will you do to move your body more and improve your exercise habits?

4. Strength

Do you feel strong and powerful? Strength is a cornerstone of your physical vitality. When you build and maintain muscle, you’re not just improving your appearance—you’re giving yourself the ability to handle life’s demands. Consistency matters more than intensity at first. Start small and build gradually. Focus on all major muscle groups, including your core. Pair your training with proper recovery—including rest days, stretching, and adequate protein—to let your muscles repair and grow. Strength training also protects your bones, boosts your metabolism, and improves posture, making it one of the best investments you can make in your long-term health and vitality.

What will you do to develop your strength?

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

5. Flexibility

Are you flexible and able to navigate physical activities with a good range of movement?

Flexibility is often overlooked, but it plays a vital role in your health. When your muscles and joints move freely, you reduce the risk of injury, improve posture, and make everyday movements like bending, reaching, or twisting easier and more comfortable. You can enhance your flexibility through regular stretching, yoga, or mobility exercises, focusing on all major muscle groups and joints. Even just a few minutes each day of dynamic stretches or gentle movement can maintain or increase your range of motion. Flexibility also complements strength and endurance, helping your body move efficiently and recover more quickly after physical activity.

What will you do to enhance your flexibility?

6. Energy

How are your energy levels? Maintaining a good energy level is essential for living a vibrant, fulfilling life. Your energy fuels everything you do—from work and exercise to hobbies and family time. To keep your energy high, focus on foundational habits like getting adequate sleep, staying hydrated, eating well, and moving your body regularly. Avoid long periods of sedentary behavior and manage your stress, because mental fatigue can drain your vitality just as much as physical exertion. Small practices—like taking short breaks throughout the day and practicing deep breathing—can make a big difference. When you intentionally cultivate and protect your energy, you ensure that you have the capacity to do the things you want to do.

What will you do to develop and maintain high energy levels?

7. Endurance

Are you able to continue expending effort despite fatigue or stress? Building stamina allows you to engage in physical activity longer, recover faster, and handle daily demands without feeling exhausted. You can improve endurance through aerobic exercises like running, cycling, swimming, brisk walking, and dancing. Combining cardiovascular training with strength exercises enhances overall stamina, while proper nutrition, hydration, and rest ensure your body has the fuel and recovery it needs. By investing in endurance, you not only improve your physical capacity but also boost your mental resilience and energy levels.

What will you do to boost your endurance?

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

8. Mindfulness

Are you able to focus your awareness on the present moment and calmly acknowledge and accept your thoughts and feelings? Mindfulness is a cornerstone of mental clarity and emotional resilience. In our fast-paced world, many of us grapple with stress, anxiety, and a constant barrage of thoughts (i.e., “monkey mind”). This mental chatter can disrupt focus, elevate stress levels, and hinder your ability to be present. Mindfulness can help train your mind to become more present, focused, and still.

Practicing mindfulness can significantly enhance your mental well-being. It helps quiet the mind, reduce stress, and improve emotional regulation. By engaging in mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or simply paying attention to the present moment, you can develop a deeper connection with yourself and your surroundings. (For more: “Why We Need Meditation and Mindfulness Now More than Ever.”)

What will you do to enhance your mindfulness?

9. Emotional Calm

Do you have peace of mind and a sense of inner calm on a regular basis? Emotional calm is a vital part of your mental health and greatly influences your overall vitality. When you cultivate a sense of calm, you reduce stress, make better decisions, and experience more clarity and focus. Simple practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises, or journaling can help you manage emotional turbulence and create inner stillness. Regularly checking in with yourself, setting boundaries, and prioritizing restorative activities like time in nature, hobbies, or connecting with supportive people all contribute to your emotional equilibrium. By nurturing emotional calm, you create mental space and energy to thrive in your life.

What will you do to bring more emotional calm into your life?

10. Relaxation

Do you take enough time to relax during your days? Relaxation is essential for your health and vitality. Giving your mind and body intentional downtime helps reduce stress hormones, lowers blood pressure, and restores energy so you can function at your best. You can relax through activities like listening to music, reading, stretching, practicing gentle breathing, or just pausing and looking out at the horizon. When you take time to recharge, it makes a big difference.

What will you do to relax more?

11. Resilience

Do you maintain a regular and robust ability to adapt and recover in the face of adversity? In challenging times, resilience enables you to navigate stress, uncertainty, and setbacks without losing your sense of purpose or well-being. According to Tony Schwartz of The Energy Project, there are three pillars of resilience: self-awareness (identifying what you’re feeling), self-regulation (calming yourself in the face of anxiety, anger, or fear), and self-care (taking good care of yourself and maintaining your energy reserves).

What will you do to enhance your resilience?

12. Self-Care

Do you engage in regular self-care practices that replenish your energy and help you cope with hard times? This can include taking regular breaks, exercising, eating well, engaging in hobbies, and having places or practices of sanctuary that bring you peace. By building these things into the fabric of your days, you can build a strong and durable foundation that supports and sustains your health and vitality, even in difficult times.

What will you do to take even better care of yourself going forward?

Conclusion

Health and vitality aren’t luxuries. They’re the foundation of a good life. Without them, everything else becomes harder and less fulfilling, no matter how much success you have in other areas. By investing in your physical and mental well-being, you give yourself the capacity to thrive.

Choose one area to strengthen today and watch how it lifts the rest of your life. Focus on progress, not perfection. The more you invest in your health and vitality, the more fully you’ll be able to live, love, and lead.

Wishing you well with it.
–Gregg

Tools for You

Quality of Life Assessment so you can discover your strongest areas and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.
Crafting Your Life & Work online course to help you design your next chapter and create a life you love.
Traps Test (Common Traps of Living) to help you identify what’s getting in the way of your happiness and quality of life.

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

Appendix: Safety

You can’t get very far with any of the elements above if you don’t feel safe. With health and vitality, safety is the foundation. If you don’t feel safe, everything else takes a back seat, because your mind and body remain on high alert. Pay attention to both physical and digital safety. What will you do to protect and maintain your safety?

Postscript: Inspirations on Health and Vitality and Quality of Life

“It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.” -Mahatma Gandhi
“Happiness lies first of all in health.” -George William Curtis
“The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.” -Ann Wigmore, holistic health practitioner
“Any food that requires enhancing by the use of chemical substances should in no way be considered a food.” -John H. Tobe, researcher, naturalist, and author
“Physical fitness is the first requisite of happiness.” -Joseph Pilates, German-born physical trainer, writer, and inventor
“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.” -Jim Rohn, entrepreneur and author
“Good things come to those who sweat.” -unknown
“Exercise is a celebration of what your body can do. Not a punishment for what you ate.” -anonymous
“When it comes to health and well-being, regular exercise is about as close to a magic potion as you can get.” -Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Buddhist monk
“If you don’t make time for exercise, you’ll probably have to make time for illness.” -Robin Sharma, Canadian lawyer turned writer
“Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.” -John F. Kennedy, former U.S. president
“Exercise is amazing, from the inside out. I feel so alive and have more energy.” -Vanessa Hudgens, actor and singer
“Sustained high achievement demands physical and emotional strength as well as a sharp intellect. To bring mind, body, and spirit to peak condition, executives need to learn what world-class athletes already know: recovering energy is as important is expending it…. When people feel strong and resilient—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—they perform better, with more passion, for longer. They win, their families win, and the corporations that employ them win.” -Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, “The Making of a Corporate Athlete,” Harvard Business Review
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit…?… honor God with your bodies.” -1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)
“Sleep is a necessary part of life, though most of us scrape by with as little as possible…. It turns out that sleep can make or break your ability to lose weight, age slowly, prevent cancer, and perform at a high level.” -Dr. Sara Gottfried, physician-scientist
“Proper sleep has helped me get to where I am today as an athlete, and it is something that I continue to rely on every day.” -Tom Brady, American football quarterback and champion
“Tired officers are always pessimists.” -General George S. Patton, U.S. Army General
“Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” -Vince Lombardi, legendary football coach

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

+++++++++++++++++

Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, and TEDx speaker on personal development and leadership. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for living with purpose and passion) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards). Check out his Crafting Your Life & Work online course or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!

Elevate Your Life with a Strong Personal Core

10/06/202508/15/2025 by Gregg Vanourek

Article Summary:

We all want to have a good quality of life but too often we don’t know how to get it, especially given the demands we face. Here we identify how you can elevate your quality of life with a strong personal core, a foundation that includes contentment, happiness, meaning, gratitude, and more.

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In a world full of pressure and constant change, it’s easy to get pulled in a dozen directions—reacting to demands and losing sight of what truly matters. Without a strong personal core, you risk drifting or living by someone else’s script. But when you anchor your life in clarity about who you are, what you value, and what gives you meaning, you can elevate your quality of life.

Here are nine building blocks of a strong personal core:

Contentment

Do you have a sense of peace and satisfaction that comes from appreciating what you have in the present moment? A calm confidence that your life, as it is right now, has value and meaning?

Contentment grounds you in the present, helping you savor life rather than merely chase what’s next. When you cultivate contentment, you reduce inner friction, judgment, and comparison, creating space for gratitude, joy, and authentic living. It stabilizes your emotional foundation, allowing you to pursue purpose and growth from a place of ease rather than restlessness or neediness.

What will you do to bring more contentment into your life?

Happiness

Do you have a genuine and strong sense of wellbeing and contentment that comes from feeling at ease with yourself and your life? A deep, enduring satisfaction and joy?

Happiness is an essential part of your personal core because it acts as both a compass and a fuel. When you cultivate it, you create a foundation for making choices that honor your core values, deepen your connections, and bring meaning to your life. Without nurturing happiness, other aspects of your personal core can feel harder to access. (See my article, “What Leads to Happiness?”)

Happiness is “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.” -Sonja Lyubomirsky, University of California, Riverside psychologist and happiness researcher

What will you do to bring more happiness into your life?

Meaning

Do you have a strong and deep sense that your life has significance—that your actions and experiences contribute to something larger than yourself?

“Meaning in life refers to the feeling that people have that their lives and experience make sense and matter.”
-Dr. Michael Steger, Colorado State University

Meaning can give you direction and motivation. When you cultivate meaning, even challenges and setbacks can feel purposeful. Your daily actions gain coherence and richness. It acts as a guiding star, helping you prioritize what truly matters and live a life that’s aligned, intentional, and fulfilling.

What will you do to infuse your life with more meaning?

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

Fulfillment

Do you have an enduring feeling of pleasure and satisfaction because you’re happy with your life? A sense that your life has been what you’ve expected or hoped for, even despite adversity?

When you cultivate fulfillment, you experience a lasting sense of accomplishment and direction that goes beyond fleeting success or external validation. It helps you make choices that honor your deepest priorities and live a life that feels harmonious, whole, and true.

What will you do to bring more fulfillment into your life?

Quality of Life

Taking stock of your quality of life regularly helps to brings clarity and intentionality to your journey. By evaluating key areas such as health, relationships, work, and personal growth, you can identify where you’re thriving and where you need to direct your attention.

This process is about awareness and action, not perfection. It helps you recognize patterns, celebrate wins, and address areas that are holding you back. Regularly assessing your quality of life empowers you to make informed choices, set relevant goals, and live with purpose and fulfillment. (See my article, “Taking Stock of Your Quality of Life.”)

What will you do to ensure you maintain a good quality of life?

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

Joy

Joy is the feeling of lightness, delight, and exuberance that bubbles up when you engage with life in a way that resonates with your authentic essence. It’s more than happiness—it’s a deep, often spontaneous sense of aliveness and appreciation that energizes your mind, body, and spirit.

Joy summons the pleasures of living fully. When you nurture joy, you immerse yourself in the present moment and make it easier to approach challenges with optimism. It’s a spark that animates your purpose and deepens your relationships.

What will you do to bring more joy into your life?

Gratitude

Do you have a practice of noticing and appreciating the positive aspects of your life—both big and small? A mindset that helps you recognize and appreciate the value in experiences, relationships, and even challenges that help you grow?

Gratitude shifts your focus from what you’re missing to what you have. When you cultivate gratitude, you create the conditions for contentment and joy. (See my article, “20 Benefits of Gratitude.”)

What will you do to be thankful for what you have and keep a grateful heart?

Authentic Alignment

Are you living in “authentic alignment,” in which you’re being true to yourself and there’s a good fit between who you really are and how you live? Is there a good match between your inner world of your thoughts, hopes, and dreams and the outer world of what you’re doing in your home, workplace, and community? This alignment fosters a sense of integrity and coherence, allowing you to thrive mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Authentic alignment anchors you in your true self. When you’re aligned, you’re more likely to experience clarity, conviction, and contentment. Conversely, misalignment can lead to feelings of inauthenticity, anxiety, and disconnection. This can come from the traps of conformity, comparison, people-pleasing, and caring too much about what other people think. (See my article, “The Power of Authentic Alignment in Your Life.”)

What will you do to live a life of authentic alignment?

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

Spirituality

Are you cultivating a deeper connection to something greater than yourself? Engaged with matters of the human spirit or soul, as opposed to becoming overly consumed with material or physical things? Are you exploring life’s deeper questions and seeking alignment with your inner values and beliefs? Spirituality can manifest through practices like prayer, meditation, nature immersion, or acts of compassion, and it often involves a sense of transcendence.

Spirituality provides a sense of meaning, especially during challenging times. By nurturing your spiritual life, you can experience greater inner peace, resilience, and a deeper understanding of your place in the universe. It helps you transcend the ego and material distractions, fostering a life that is more intentional, connected, and fulfilling. For many people, spirituality is a lived practice—often experienced in community—rooted in connection, reflection, and shared meaning. It can involve surrendering to a higher power and embracing the gifts of forgiveness, redemption, and grace, creating space for healing and renewal. (See my article, “On Spirituality and the Good Life.”)

What will you do to nurture your spiritual life?

Conclusion

You don’t build a strong personal core overnight. You cultivate it over time through small, consistent choices that honor what matters most. It’s about nurturing contentment, happiness, and joy; fostering meaning; checking in on the quality of your life; practicing gratitude; embodying authentic alignment; and deepening your spirituality.

In our busy and noisy modern world, this work can feel challenging, but it’s well worth it. Give yourself grace along the way, and remember: even amid life’s pressures, a strong core will help elevate your life.

Wishing you well with it—and let me know if I can help.
–Gregg

Tools for You

Quality of Life Assessment so you can discover your strongest areas and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.
Crafting Your Life & Work online course to help you design your next chapter and create a life you love.
Traps Test (Common Traps of Living) to help you identify what’s getting in the way of your happiness and quality of life.

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

“Taking Stock of Your Quality of Life”
“What Leads to Happiness?”
“20 Benefits of Gratitude”
“The Power of Authentic Alignment in Your Life”
“On Spirituality and the Good Life”
“Are Your Drifting through Life?”
“Tired of Settling? How to Set Your Life and Work on Fire”
“Are You Feeling Empty Inside?”
“The Power of Taking Full Responsibility for Your Life”
“Health and Vitality: Keys to Your Quality of Life”

Postscript: Inspirations on Personal Core and Quality of Life

“Let us consider the way in which we spend our lives.” -Henry David Thoreau
“Every day we have decisions to make about how we want to live…. We must take charge of how we spend our days…. Otherwise, we may one day wake up to find ourselves brilliantly situated for a life we do not want.” -Christopher Gergen and Gregg Vanourek in LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives
“Life goes by so very fast, my dears, and taking the time to reflect, even once a year, slows things down. We zoom past so many seconds, minutes, hours, killing them with the frantic way we live that it’s important we take at least this one collective sigh and stop, take stock, and acknowledge our place in time before diving back into the melee.” -Hillary DePiano, New Year’s Thieve
“Think about the metric by which your life will be judged, and make a resolution to live every day so that in the end, your life will be judged a success.” -Clayton Christensen

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

+++++++++++++++++

The Most Common Myths about Passion and Work

07/10/2025 by Gregg Vanourek

Just follow your passion. Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life. So goes the common advice from scads of college graduation speeches. As if it were so simple. Is it good advice? How can you find your passion anyway? What are the most common myths about passion and work? And what are the realities that bust those myths?

It helps to start with what passions are and aren’t. Researchers have defined passions as strong inclinations toward activities you value and like or love, and in which you invest your time and energy. I like to think of passions as the things that consume you with palpable emotion over time.

Signs of passion at work (whether paid or volunteer or in the household or with children) include:

Loving what you do
Talking often about what you like about your work
Working extra even when you don’t have to

Passion Probe

Our passions are the things that consume us with palpable emotion over time. We love doing them and talk about them often. Take this self-assessment to find the ones that resonate most with you.

Myths about Passion and Work

For many people, the advice about following your passion feels confusing and unrealistic—and in some cases even discouraging. In fact, some of the most common messages about passion and work are based on myths that will hold you back instead of helping you move forward. Let’s set the record straight and unpack those myths.

Myth: You should just know what your passion is.

Reality: Many people struggle with this. The idea of finding their passion feels overwhelming. For most, passion doesn’t strike like a lightning bolt with instant clarity. Many people try out different interests for a number of years. Those who do discover their passion often go through long periods during which it wasn’t obvious.

Myth: You really need to find your passion.

Reality: Finding your passion isn’t the best way to think about it for many people. Business owner and author Emily Perron notes that for many people it feels like a frustrating “wild goose chase.” According to University of Pennsylvania psychology professor Angela Duckworth, passions tend to be developed more than they’re discovered, and they usually develop and deepen over time.

Finding something suggests a search with a set endpoint, or that it’s out there for you to just come upon. Developing something, by contrast, calls for growing it or causing it to grow and become more mature.

In reality, you’re likely to notice that you have certain interests and that some of these can become passions when you keep pursuing those interests long enough. Many people give up before reaching that point due to a lack of focus or discipline, a belief that work is a grind that you just endure so you can pay the bills, or settling for work that’s just okay. (Note: In advanced economies, the average person spends about 90,000 hours at work.)

Myth: You need to find your passion when you’re young.

Reality: For many people, passions take time to discover (and then develop and deepen). And that’s okay. That just makes your passions richer, and it helps you appreciate them.

Very few people discover their passion early in life and stick with it consistently. As we grow and gain new experiences, our interests naturally shift—and so do our passions.

With passions, as with so many things, the path is winding.

The pressure to figure it all out early in life can lead to frustration from feeling “behind” and choosing things for reasons that won’t hold up well over time. In truth, your interests and values evolve over time. It’s not a race. Instead, it’s a process of growth and discovery that tends to go much better with a blend of action and reflection, including significant time in what I call “discover mode.”

“…we may try many different jobs looking for the right ‘fit,’ the role that instantly flips the passion switch, and we may not take into account the fact that it often takes time to develop one’s passion for a job, along with the skills, confidence, and relationships that allow one to experience passion for work.”
-Jon M. Jachimowicz, “3 Reasons It’s So Hard to ‘Follow Your Passion,’” Harvard Business Review, October 15, 2019

Myth: Only certain kinds of jobs are amenable to passion.

(Examples: working in education, health care, social justice, the environment, etc.—or for world-changing startups or social enterprises.)*

Reality: You can integrate your passions into almost any job. Of course, if you do a good job and show that you’re a reliable and productive team member operating with integrity, that typically earns you more autonomy, respect, and credibility. But this can vary depending on how supportive your manager or team are.

Think about what makes work enjoyable, meaningful, and rewarding for you. With that lens, it’s not just about your passion for the work itself but also a number of other things, including autonomy, flexibility, financial security, benefits, healthy work environments, camaraderie, skill, flow, values, purpose, and impact.

Sure, many people are passionate about social issues, groups, or causes. But others are passionate about activities or skills (e.g., analyzing, coaching, coding, communication, data mining, editing, facilitating, healing, leading, parenting, problem-solving, etc.). There are passionate people in every field, industry, and sector.

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

Myth: You only have one passion.

Reality: You can have multiple passions, and they can change over time. You may find joy in a number of pursuits. Don’t lock yourself into just one path. Instead, explore all the things that spark real curiosity or motivation.

“When I stopped trying so darn hard to find my one, true passion that I could shape my life around,
I discovered the beauty of multi-pursuits of multi-passions.”
-Emily Perron, business owner and author

Myth: Everyone wants their passion incorporated into their job.

Reality: According to the research of University of Pennsylvania Professor Amy Wrzesniewski and others, people have different orientations toward their work (i.e., viewing it as a job, career, or calling). Those with a job orientation view work as means to an end. They work for pay and benefits to support their family and hobbies, and they prefer jobs that don’t interfere with personal life. They’re not as likely to have a strong connection to work as those with a career or calling orientation.

Also, when you turn your passion into your work, there’s a risk of stealing some of its magic as you get bogged down in deadlines and deliverables.

“Some people thrive when they find joy in how they earn a living, but others are at peace with less emotional connection to their work and instead relish the joy in their passions outside their nine-to-five.”
-David Anderson, business executive

Myth: Following your passion will lead you to success.

Reality: It’s not entirely wrong, but it’s vastly oversimplified and incomplete. Truth be told, it’s not enough to follow your passions. Your passions can be big performance drivers because of the fiery intensity and enduring commitment that they can help engender, but in our competitive world you still need a business model. You need to add value and do things that others are willing to pay you for—and spread the word about who you can help and how in a noisy world. Meanwhile, not all passions are well-suited to being your primary occupation or to generating your required income.

Myth: A passion should last forever.

Reality: Your passions must be tended to, or they might wither and die. They can fade over time as you go through different seasons of life. Two things can help prevent that:

purpose: when you connect your passions to a deeper sense of meaning, you tap into a more sustainable source of energy.
novelty: exploring fresh ways to engage your passions—with new people or in different contexts—can keep them vibrant and alive.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

Myth: Pursuing your passion is selfish.**

Reality: As activist and writer Courtney Christenson has pointed out, neglecting your passion(s) prevents the people closest to you from knowing who you are and what drives you. It also limits your ability to make a meaningful impact, live a life of authentic alignment, and inspire others in the process.

“When you don’t pursue your passion it robs your family of truly, deeply knowing you. It robs your spouse from seeing your true self. It robs your children of their most powerful role model. (If you want them to grow up and pursue their passions, you need to show them how.) It robs the world of your voice, influence, and change-making potential. And most importantly, it robs you of truly living.” -Courtney Christenson, activist and writer

Myth: You have to find your passion early in life in order to be truly great at it.

Reality: You can discover, develop, and deepen a passion at virtually any stage of life—and still develop mastery with it. Examples abound, including Morgan Freeman, Toni Morrison, Samuel L. Jackson, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Ray Kroc, Colonel Sanders, Julia Child, Vera Wang, and countless others. It’s a trap to think it’s too late to develop your passions.

Myth: You’ll be successful and happy if you follow your passion.

Reality: Integrating your passions into your life and work can be powerfully rewarding and gratifying, but there’s much more to happiness. What about things like anticipation, savoring, gratitude, purpose, service, and healthy relationships?

Conclusion

There are many myths about passion and work that can lead you astray. It’s not as simple as just following your passion. Passion alone is not enough. But it may also be a big mistake for you to ignore or neglect your passions.

Passions can be a powerful part of the equation when it comes to productive and enjoyable work as well as happiness and fulfillment. But only part of the equation. Ideally, you’re wise to buttress your passions with your strengths, values, and purpose on the one hand and helping others while filling market needs with an effective business model on the other hand.

Here’s to finding ways to meet your financial needs and fulfill your obligations to your family or others while also integrating your passions into your life and work.

Tools for You

Passion Probe to help you find the things that consume you with palpable emotion over time
Crafting Your Life & Work online course to help you design your next chapter and create a life you love
Traps Test (Common Traps of Living) to help you identify what’s getting in the way of your happiness and quality of life

Passion Probe

Our passions are the things that consume us with palpable emotion over time. We love doing them and talk about them often. Take this self-assessment to find the ones that resonate most with you.

Postscript: Inspirations on Passions

“Never underestimate the vital importance of finding early in life the work that for you is play. This turns possible underachievers into happy warriors.” -Ken Robinson, The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything
“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” -Jean Shinoda Bolen, psychiatrist
“Allow yourself to be silently guided by that which you love the most.” -Rumi, 13th century poet and Sufi mystic
“If there is any difference between you and me, it may simply be that I get up every day and have a chance to do what I love to do, every day. If you want to learn anything from me, this is the best advice I can give you.” -Warren Buffett, investor
“I did it for the buzz. I did it for the pure joy of the thing. And if you can do it for the joy, you can do it forever.” -Stephen King, writer
“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.” -Oprah Winfrey, media entrepreneur, author, and philanthropist
“The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” -Steve Jobs, co-founder, Apple
“If you don’t love what you’re doing, you’ll lose to someone who does! For every person who is half-hearted about their work or relationships, there is someone else who loves [it]. This person will work harder and longer. They will outrun you.” -Jerry Porras, Stewart Emery, and Mark Thompson, Success Built to Last
“The key to creating passion in your life is to find your unique talents, and your special role and purpose in the world. It is essential to know yourself before you decide what work you want to do.” -Stephen R. Covey, author, executive, and teacher
“The conventional wisdom on career success—follow your passion—is seriously flawed. It not only fails to describe how most people actually end up with compelling careers, but for many people it can actually make things worse: leading to chronic job shifting and unrelenting angst when one’s reality inevitably falls shorts of the dream.” -Cal Newport, So Good They Can’t Ignore You
“You may think that you’ve lost your passion, or that you can’t identify it, or that you have so much of it, it threatens to overwhelm you. None of these is true.” -Steven Pressfield, Do the Work
“…my recommendation would be follow your contribution. Find the thing that you’re great at, put that into the world, contribute to others, help the world be better and that is the thing to follow.” -Ben Horowitz, 2015 commencement address
“…expressing your passion can be beneficial because others admire you more and may help you become more successful. At the same time, it may also make it more likely they will ask you to take on tasks that fall outside of narrow job descriptions, placing you at risk of stretching yourself too thin and burning out.” -Jon M. Jachimowicz, “3 Reasons It’s So Hard to ‘Follow Your Passion,’” Harvard Business Review, October 15, 2019
“The message to find your passion is generally offered with good intentions, to convey: Do not worry so much about talent, do not bow to pressure for status or money, just find what is meaningful and interesting to you. Unfortunately, the belief system this message may engender can undermine the very development of people’s interests.” -O’Keefe PA, Dweck CS, Walton GM. Implicit Theories of Interest: Finding Your Passion or Developing It? Psychol Sci. 2018 Oct;29(10):1653-1664.

* Computer science professor and author Cal Newport made this point in his book, Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World.

** Many women struggle with this myth, in part due to gender stereotypes and cultural conditioning.

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

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The Biggest Mistakes New Graduates Make

11/03/202505/19/2025 by Gregg Vanourek

Dear new graduate: Congratulations and hats off to you! You’ve come a long way and reached a major milestone in your life.

Maybe you’ve been so busy finishing assignments and getting to graduation that you haven’t taken much time to think about what comes next. (If so, you’re not alone!)

With that in mind, here are some of the biggest mistakes new graduates make:

❌ Putting too much pressure on yourself to have it all figured out right away.

❌ Committing too early to a career path without vetting it deeply and remaining open to new and better possibilities.

❌ Not clarifying what’s important to you when it comes to work. (In addition to pay, for example, what about opportunities for learning and growth, a vibrant culture, chances to work with great people, or meaningful work?)

❌ Not doing nearly enough vetting of the organizations you’re considering working with (including their values and culture, your manager, and career path). (See my article, “How to Find a Great Organization to Work For.”)

❌ Accepting other people’s definition of success instead of defining it for yourself.

❌ Living someone else’s life.

❌ Defining yourself by comparison, as opposed to by your own core values and guiding lights.

❌ Defining self-worth by your accomplishments.

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

❌ Spending your best years and trading your precious life energy on dubious things.

❌ Succeeding at something that doesn’t really matter to you.

❌ Not taking stock of your quality of life regularly.

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
-Socrates, ancient Greek philosopher

❌ Chasing status and prestige in your work because of how it will make you look in the eyes of others. (See my article, “The Powerful Pull of the Prestige Magnet.”)

“An easy way to pick the wrong career is to put your image above your interests and identity. A motivating job isn’t the one that makes you look important. It’s the one that makes you feel alive. Meaningful work isn’t about impressing others. It’s about expressing your values.” -Adam Grant, organizational psychologist

❌ Assuming that “climbing the ladder” is the point of work. (See my TEDx talk on LIFE entrepreneurship and “climbing mode” versus “discover mode.”)

❌ Viewing your career as a race against your peers. (See my article, “Feeling Behind? It May Be a Trap.”)

❌ Focusing too much on material comfort and financial gain and not enough on happiness, love, personal growth, and spiritual depth. (See my article, “Beware the Disease of More.”)

❌ Assuming that worldly success will fill you up.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

❌ Giving too much of yourself or your time away to unreasonable bosses or unacceptable circumstances.

❌ Staying too long in a job that’s not a good fit or with a bad manager.

❌ Letting your life get overly full and cluttered, with not enough white space.

❌ Letting work consume too much of your life.

“…the problem isn’t how hard you’re working, it’s that you’re working on things that aren’t right for you.
Your goals and motivations aren’t harmonizing with your deepest truth.”
-Martha Beck, The Way of Integrity

❌ Not honoring your commitments to those you belong to.

❌ Losing touch with your close friends.

❌ Playing it safe in your career and not taking enough risks early on while you have more time, freedom, and flexibility—perhaps playing small out of fear.

“So many of us choose our paths in life out of fear disguised as practicality.”
-Jim Carrey, comedian and actor

❌ Thinking you’re done learning now that you have a degree.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

❌ Falling into bad habits that will cause you to waste a lot of time or drift away from your values.

❌ Not taking charge of your free time, perhaps because you’re so drained from work.

❌ Letting yourself become cynical and jaded. (See my article, “Guard Your Heart.”)

❌ Making decisions or taking actions that aren’t in line with your core values and top priorities.

❌ Not giving more of yourself to others.

❌ Neglecting opportunities for fun and adventure in your life.

❌ Not daring to put your own distinctive stamp on your workplace, community, and world.

Personal Values Exercise

Conclusion

When it comes to navigating the early chapters of your career, it’s easy to focus on what other people expect of you and get lost in what our larger culture values. But it’s far better to get busy becoming who you really are.

It’s easy to get caught up in playing the short game instead of the long one—with a broader perspective on what’s important in life and what would be a life well lived.

Before you get too busy with the hustle and bustle of life and work, take the time to get to know yourself well—including your core values, strengths, passions, and vision of the good life. And learn to trust yourself as you craft a life you’ll be proud of.

Wishing you well with it—and let me know if I can help.
–Gregg

Tools for You

Crafting Your Life & Work online course to help you design your next chapter and create a life and work you love.
Traps Test (Common Traps of Living) to help you identify what’s getting in the way of your happiness and quality of life
Quality of Life Assessment so you can discover your strongest areas and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

Strengths Search

We all have core strengths–the things in which we most excel. Take this self-assessment to determine your core strengths so you can integrate them more into your life and work.

Postscript: Inspirations for New Graduates

“Big career decisions don’t come with a map, but all you need is a compass. In an unpredictable world, you can’t make a master plan. You can only gauge whether you’re on a meaningful path. The right next move is the one that brings you a step closer to living your core values.” -Adam Grant, professor
“One of the things is putting pressure on having that perfect solution lined up. While we should dream big, sometimes we need to make smaller moves and small experiments to build confidence and gather data and grow more organically in a new direction. In reality, what works is getting anchored in existing strengths and experiences and have a general feeling of success. There is no real way to know the answers up to the front of what to pursue next in our careers unless we’re running small tests and learning from them.” -Jenny Blake, author and podcaster
“One of the best pieces of advice for young people is, Get to yourself quickly. If you know what you want to do, start doing it.” -David Brooks, The Second Mountain
“The deepest vocational question is not ‘What ought I to do with my life?’ It is the more elemental and demanding ‘Who am I? What is my nature?’” -Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak
“…the secret of career satisfaction lies in doing what you enjoy most. A few lucky people discover this secret early in life, but most of us are caught in a kind of psychological wrestling match, torn between what we think we can do, what we (or others) feel we ought to do, and what we think we want to do. Our advice? Concentrate instead on who you are, and the rest will fall into place.” -Paul D. Tieger, Barbara Barron, and Kelly Tieger, Do What You Are
“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.” -Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha)
“If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.” -Stephen R. Covey, educator and author
“Go to work for an organization or people you admire. It will turn you on. You ought to be happy where you are working. I always worry about people who say, ‘I’m going to do this for 10 years’ and ‘I’m going to do 10 more years of this.’ That’s a little like saving sex for your old age. Not a very good idea. Get right into what you enjoy.” -Warren Buffett, investor
“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” –Steve Jobs, co-founder, Apple
“Shadow Career is the term used to describe people who go on an alternative path from their true dream because they’ve given up on themselves.” -Dr. Benjamin Hardy, Be Your Future Self Now
“I don’t have a problem with what you do, that’s your choice. What I have a problem with is you lying to yourself about why you’re doing the things you’re doing. You have a choice.” -Jerry Colonna, co-founder and CEO, Reboot
“In our time, we workers are being called to reexamine our work: how we do it; whom it is helping or hurting; what it is we do; and what we might be doing if we were to let go of our present work and follow a deeper call.” -Matthew Fox, Episcopal priest and theologian
“We spend far too much time at work for it not to have deep meaning.” -Satya Nadella, CEO, Microsoft
“Don’t aim at success—the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue… as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself.” -Victor Frankl, psychologist, author, and Holocaust survivor
“…God is calling you to serve Him in and from the ordinary, material, and secular activities of human life. He waits for us every day, in the laboratory, in the operating theatre, in the army barracks, in the university chair, in the factory, in the workshop, in the fields, in the home and in all the immense panorama of work. Understand this well: there is something holy, something divine, hidden in the most ordinary situations, and it is up to each one of you to discover it.” -Josemaria Escriva, Conversations
“Unhappy is he who depends on success to be happy. For such a person, the end of a successful career is the end of the line.” -Alex Dias Ribeiro, former Formula 1 race-car driver
“What shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” -Mark (8:36)
“Discovering vocation doesn’t mean scrambling toward some prize just beyond your reach, but rather accepting the treasure that you have been given. But make no mistake about it, well-meaning people around you—friends, family work associates, and others—will push you to run someone else’s race.” -Nicholas Pearce, pastor and professor
“Today I understand vocation quite differently—not as a goal to be achieved but as a gift to be received. Discovering vocation does not mean scrambling toward some prize just beyond my reach but accepting the treasure of true self I already possess. Vocation does not come from a voice ‘out there’ calling me to become something I am not. It comes from a voice ‘in here’ calling me to be the person I was born to be, to fulfill the original selfhood given me at birth by God.” -Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak
“…I (like many others) felt a wrongness in the world, a wrongness that seeped through the cracks of my privileged, insulated childhood…. Life, I knew, was supposed to be more joyful than this, more real, more meaningful, and the world was supposed to be more beautiful. We were not supposed to hate Mondays and live for the weekends and holidays…. We were not supposed to be kept indoors on a beautiful day, day after day.” -Charles Eisenstein, The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible
“Your career is like a garden. It can hold an assortment of life’s energy that yields a bounty for you. You do not need to grow just one thing in your garden. You do not need to do just one thing in your career.” -Jennifer Ritchie Payette, author

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

+++++++++++++++++

I guess that didn’t land. I should’ve said it differently. They think I’m a lightweight.

Did I talk too much? Did I sound weird? Why did I say it like that?

Am I walking awkwardly? Do I look stiff? Is my smile weird? What if they don’t like me?

Did I say something wrong? Is she upset? Did I mess something up?

Am I coming across the wrong way? Why did I phrase it like that? Did I overshare? Am I trying too hard? Is it cringe? How many likes do I have?

Take the Traps Test

The Common Traps of Living and Thinking about Yourself Too Much

Should I have said it differently? How was my tone? Did my face look funny?

What if this goes wrong? What if I mess it up? What will it mean for my career?

Did I lock my car? Should I go back and check? I should drink more water. Am I dehydrated? Do penguins get dehydrated? Why did I make such a fool of myself at the 8th grade dance? I love 80s music. What should I have for dinner?

That was dumb. Of course I messed that up. I should’ve known better. I’m such an idiot!

He was quicker to get a promotion. What does that say about me? She looks amazing in photos. Me, not so much. They took their family to the Caribbean this year. What did we do? Their house could be in a magazine feature. Mine is a mess.

Take the Traps Test

delay starting over-edit and over-prepare overthink the outcome

I’m not the kind of person who starts a business. Better not to try because I might fail. I’m not a creative person. I’m not good with numbers. That’s not for people like me.

I’ll do it later. Now’s not the right time. I need to prepare more.

I should be where they are. I’m late to the game and I’ll never catch up. I missed my shot.

What to Focus on Instead of Yourself

Start redirecting your attention to who and what’s in front of you. When your attention turns inward, gentle reroute it outward.

How am I coming across? Am I saying this right? Do I look stupid?

What’s going on for them? What are they trying to figure out? What matters to them right now?

What’s the next best thing I can do right now?

Take the Traps Test

Final Thoughts

STAYSM: Stop thinking about yourself so much!

Tools for You

Related Articles

Postscript: Inspirations on the Self-Focus Trap

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Article Summary:

What Is Self-Compassion

Take the Traps Test

The Benefits of Practicing Self-Compassion

How to Practice Self-Compassion

Conclusion

Tools for You

Quality of Life Assessment

Related Articles, Books, & Other Resources

Postscript: Inspirations on Self-Compassion

Gregg Vanourek’s Newsletter

“Some days, we just need to turn the quiet up.” -Dr. SunWolf, Professor, Santa Clara University

The Value of Screens and Devices

The Downsides of Digital Overload with Screens and Devices

Take the Traps Test

What About Algorithms?

The Benefits of Algorithms

The Insidious Effects of Algorithms on Our Lives

Quality of Life Assessment

What to Do About Digital Overload

“There’s no WiFi in the forest, but you’ll find a better connection.” -author unknown

Conclusion: Defeating Digital Overload

Tools for You

Take the Traps Test

Related Articles & Resources

Postscript: Quotations on Digital Overload and Technology

References

Gregg Vanourek’s Newsletter

Article Summary:

7 Questions to Ask in Your Annual Life Review

1. Highlights: What were the highlights of this past year?

2. Challenges: What were the top challenges from this past year?

3. Habits: Which habits are helping me thrive, and which are holding me back?

4. Aspirations: What are my top aspirations for next year?

Take the Traps Test

5. Gratitude: What am I most grateful for from this year?

6. Take-Aways: What are my top take-aways from this review process?

7. Top Focus: What will be my top focus for the coming year?

Annual Life Review Template

Annual Life Review

1. Highlights

2. Challenges

3. Habits

4. Aspirations

5. Gratitude

6. Key Takeaways

7. Primary Focus

Conclusion: How to Do an Annual Life Review

Tools for You

Quality of Life Assessment

Related Articles

I guess that didn’t land.
I should’ve said it differently.
They think I’m a lightweight.

Did I talk too much?
Did I sound weird?
Why did I say it like that?

Am I walking awkwardly?
Do I look stiff?
Is my smile weird?
What if they don’t like me?

Did I say something wrong?
Is she upset?
Did I mess something up?

Am I coming across the wrong way?
Why did I phrase it like that?
Did I overshare?
Am I trying too hard?
Is it cringe?
How many likes do I have?

Should I have said it differently?
How was my tone?
Did my face look funny?

What if this goes wrong?
What if I mess it up?
What will it mean for my career?

Did I lock my car? Should I go back and check?
I should drink more water. Am I dehydrated?
Do penguins get dehydrated?
Why did I make such a fool of myself at the 8th grade dance?
I love 80s music.
What should I have for dinner?

That was dumb.
Of course I messed that up.
I should’ve known better.
I’m such an idiot!

He was quicker to get a promotion. What does that say about me?
She looks amazing in photos. Me, not so much.
They took their family to the Caribbean this year. What did we do?
Their house could be in a magazine feature. Mine is a mess.

delay starting
over-edit and over-prepare
overthink the outcome

I’m not the kind of person who starts a business.
Better not to try because I might fail.
I’m not a creative person.
I’m not good with numbers.
That’s not for people like me.

I’ll do it later.
Now’s not the right time.
I need to prepare more.

I should be where they are.
I’m late to the game and I’ll never catch up.
I missed my shot.

Start redirecting your attention to who and what’s in front of you.
When your attention turns inward, gentle reroute it outward.

How am I coming across?
Am I saying this right?
Do I look stupid?

What’s going on for them?
What are they trying to figure out?
What matters to them right now?

“Some days, we just need to turn the quiet up.”
-Dr. SunWolf, Professor, Santa Clara University

“There’s no WiFi in the forest, but you’ll find a better connection.”
-author unknown

“Presence is not some exotic state that we need to search for or manufacture. In the simplest terms, it is the felt sense of wakefulness, openness, and tenderness that arises when we are fully here and now with our experience.”
-Tara Brach

“When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence.
How can you love if you are not there?”
-Thich Nhat Hanh

“(Career capital) is the key currency for the work you love.”
-Cal Newport

“The currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.”
-Keith Ferrazzi, Never Eat Alone