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Health and Vitality: Keys to Your Quality of Life

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Article Summary: 

Without health and vitality, even success and good relationships can feel empty, as stress, fatigue, or poor habits drain your joy and resilience. This article guides you through the 12 most important elements of physical and mental well-being—like nutrition, sleep, exercise, mindfulness, and resilience—so you can identify gaps, take practical steps, and build a foundation for thriving in life.

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You want to live a good life and you want to do well at work, but without health and vitality, everything else suffers. You can achieve success and build healthy relationships, but if your body is run-down or your mind is frequently stressed, it all feels hollow. Health and vitality are the foundation that everything else rests upon. They determine how much energy you bring to each day, how resilient you are in the face of challenges, and how much joy you can experience in the moments that matter most.

Here we explore the 12 most important components of health and vitality, including both physical and mental health. Together, these elements help you thrive. By taking stock of each one, you’ll gain a clearer sense of where you’re strong and where you need work.

 

1. Nutrition

Are you eating well and drinking enough water? Nutrition is a cornerstone of health and vitality. It influences your energy levels, mood, cognitive performance, and overall well-being. Proper nutrition can also have a big impact on heart health, blood pressure, immune system, mental clarity, sexual function, and longevity. Poor nutrition is a leading cause of premature death and disability, according to Dr. Michael Greger’s research. To help you make better dietary choices, check out the “Healthy Eating Plate” from Harvard researchers. (See my article, “Good Nutrition for Health and Wellness.”)

What will you do to improve your nutrition and hydration?

 

2. Sleep

Are you getting enough high-quality sleep? Sleep is a cornerstone of health and vitality, yet it’s often the most overlooked aspect of well-being. Quality sleep has a profound impact on your cognitive function, emotional regulation, and physical health. It’s an active process that rejuvenates the body and mind, preparing you for the challenges of the day ahead. Poor sleep can lead to impaired memory, mood disturbances, and decreased productivity. Practical strategies include establishing a consistent sleep schedule, creating a calm and restful sleep sanctuary, and stopping your screen time well before bedtime. (For more: “Great Sleep for Health, Wellness, and Great Work.”)

What will you do to improve your sleep quality?

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3. Exercise

Do you move your body and exercise often and well enough? Exercise is a cornerstone of health and vitality, influencing nearly every aspect of your well-being. From enhancing mood and mental clarity to boosting energy levels and longevity, exercise is a keystone habit that triggers widespread positive changes. Incorporating movement into your daily routine can lead to improved cognitive function, better sleep quality, and lower risk of chronic diseases. The key is consistency and finding a routine that fits well with your lifestyle. (More here: “Exercise and Movement for Health, Wellness, and Great Work.”)

What will you do to move your body more and improve your exercise habits?

 

4. Strength

Do you feel strong and powerful? Strength is a cornerstone of your physical vitality. When you build and maintain muscle, you’re not just improving your appearance—you’re giving yourself the ability to handle life’s demands. Consistency matters more than intensity at first. Start small and build gradually. Focus on all major muscle groups, including your core. Pair your training with proper recovery—including rest days, stretching, and adequate protein—to let your muscles repair and grow. Strength training also protects your bones, boosts your metabolism, and improves posture, making it one of the best investments you can make in your long-term health and vitality.

What will you do to develop your strength?

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

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5. Flexibility

Are you flexible and able to navigate physical activities with a good range of movement?

Flexibility is often overlooked, but it plays a vital role in your health. When your muscles and joints move freely, you reduce the risk of injury, improve posture, and make everyday movements like bending, reaching, or twisting easier and more comfortable. You can enhance your flexibility through regular stretching, yoga, or mobility exercises, focusing on all major muscle groups and joints. Even just a few minutes each day of dynamic stretches or gentle movement can maintain or increase your range of motion. Flexibility also complements strength and endurance, helping your body move efficiently and recover more quickly after physical activity.

What will you do to enhance your flexibility?

 

6. Energy

How are your energy levels? Maintaining a good energy level is essential for living a vibrant, fulfilling life. Your energy fuels everything you do—from work and exercise to hobbies and family time. To keep your energy high, focus on foundational habits like getting adequate sleep, staying hydrated, eating well, and moving your body regularly. Avoid long periods of sedentary behavior and manage your stress, because mental fatigue can drain your vitality just as much as physical exertion. Small practices—like taking short breaks throughout the day and practicing deep breathing—can make a big difference. When you intentionally cultivate and protect your energy, you ensure that you have the capacity to do the things you want to do.

What will you do to develop and maintain high energy levels?

 

7. Endurance

Are you able to continue expending effort despite fatigue or stress? Building stamina allows you to engage in physical activity longer, recover faster, and handle daily demands without feeling exhausted. You can improve endurance through aerobic exercises like running, cycling, swimming, brisk walking, and dancing. Combining cardiovascular training with strength exercises enhances overall stamina, while proper nutrition, hydration, and rest ensure your body has the fuel and recovery it needs. By investing in endurance, you not only improve your physical capacity but also boost your mental resilience and energy levels.

What will you do to boost your endurance?

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8. Mindfulness

Are you able to focus your awareness on the present moment and calmly acknowledge and accept your thoughts and feelings? Mindfulness is a cornerstone of mental clarity and emotional resilience. In our fast-paced world, many of us grapple with stress, anxiety, and a constant barrage of thoughts (i.e., “monkey mind”). This mental chatter can disrupt focus, elevate stress levels, and hinder your ability to be present. Mindfulness can help train your mind to become more present, focused, and still.

Practicing mindfulness can significantly enhance your mental well-being. It helps quiet the mind, reduce stress, and improve emotional regulation. By engaging in mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or simply paying attention to the present moment, you can develop a deeper connection with yourself and your surroundings. (For more: “Why We Need Meditation and Mindfulness Now More than Ever.”)

What will you do to enhance your mindfulness?

 

9. Emotional Calm

Do you have peace of mind and a sense of inner calm on a regular basis? Emotional calm is a vital part of your mental health and greatly influences your overall vitality. When you cultivate a sense of calm, you reduce stress, make better decisions, and experience more clarity and focus. Simple practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises, or journaling can help you manage emotional turbulence and create inner stillness. Regularly checking in with yourself, setting boundaries, and prioritizing restorative activities like time in nature, hobbies, or connecting with supportive people all contribute to your emotional equilibrium. By nurturing emotional calm, you create mental space and energy to thrive in your life.

What will you do to bring more emotional calm into your life?

 

10. Relaxation

Do you take enough time to relax during your days? Relaxation is essential for your health and vitality. Giving your mind and body intentional downtime helps reduce stress hormones, lowers blood pressure, and restores energy so you can function at your best. You can relax through activities like listening to music, reading, stretching, practicing gentle breathing, or just pausing and looking out at the horizon. When you take time to recharge, it makes a big difference.

What will you do to relax more?

 

11. Resilience

Do you maintain a regular and robust ability to adapt and recover in the face of adversity? In challenging times, resilience enables you to navigate stress, uncertainty, and setbacks without losing your sense of purpose or well-being. According to Tony Schwartz of The Energy Project, there are three pillars of resilience: self-awareness (identifying what you’re feeling), self-regulation (calming yourself in the face of anxiety, anger, or fear), and self-care (taking good care of yourself and maintaining your energy reserves).

What will you do to enhance your resilience?

 

12. Self-Care

Do you engage in regular self-care practices that replenish your energy and help you cope with hard times? This can include taking regular breaks, exercising, eating well, engaging in hobbies, and having places or practices of sanctuary that bring you peace. By building these things into the fabric of your days, you can build a strong and durable foundation that supports and sustains your health and vitality, even in difficult times.

What will you do to take even better care of yourself going forward?

 

Conclusion

Health and vitality aren’t luxuries. They’re the foundation of a good life. Without them, everything else becomes harder and less fulfilling, no matter how much success you have in other areas. By investing in your physical and mental well-being, you give yourself the capacity to thrive.

Choose one area to strengthen today and watch how it lifts the rest of your life. Focus on progress, not perfection. The more you invest in your health and vitality, the more fully you’ll be able to live, love, and lead.

Wishing you well with it.
–Gregg

 

Tools for You

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

Take the Assessment

 

Related Articles

 

Appendix: Safety

You can’t get very far with any of the elements above if you don’t feel safe. With health and vitality, safety is the foundation. If you don’t feel safe, everything else takes a back seat, because your mind and body remain on high alert. Pay attention to both physical and digital safety. What will you do to protect and maintain your safety?

 

Postscript: Inspirations on Health and Vitality and Quality of Life

  • “It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.” -Mahatma Gandhi
  • “Happiness lies first of all in health.” -George William Curtis
  • “The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.” -Ann Wigmore, holistic health practitioner
  • “Any food that requires enhancing by the use of chemical substances should in no way be considered a food.” -John H. Tobe, researcher, naturalist, and author
  • “Physical fitness is the first requisite of happiness.” -Joseph Pilates, German-born physical trainer, writer, and inventor
  • “Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.” -Jim Rohn, entrepreneur and author
  • “Good things come to those who sweat.” -unknown
  • “Exercise is a celebration of what your body can do. Not a punishment for what you ate.” -anonymous
  • “When it comes to health and well-being, regular exercise is about as close to a magic potion as you can get.” -Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Buddhist monk
  • “If you don’t make time for exercise, you’ll probably have to make time for illness.” -Robin Sharma, Canadian lawyer turned writer
  • “Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.” -John F. Kennedy, former U.S. president
  • “Exercise is amazing, from the inside out. I feel so alive and have more energy.” -Vanessa Hudgens, actor and singer
  • “Sustained high achievement demands physical and emotional strength as well as a sharp intellect. To bring mind, body, and spirit to peak condition, executives need to learn what world-class athletes already know: recovering energy is as important is expending it…. When people feel strong and resilient—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—they perform better, with more passion, for longer. They win, their families win, and the corporations that employ them win.” -Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, “The Making of a Corporate Athlete,” Harvard Business Review
  • “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit…?… honor God with your bodies.” -1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)
  • “Sleep is a necessary part of life, though most of us scrape by with as little as possible…. It turns out that sleep can make or break your ability to lose weight, age slowly, prevent cancer, and perform at a high level.” -Dr. Sara Gottfried, physician-scientist
  • “Proper sleep has helped me get to where I am today as an athlete, and it is something that I continue to rely on every day.” -Tom Brady, American football quarterback and champion
  • “Tired officers are always pessimists.” -General George S. Patton, U.S. Army General
  • “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” -Vince Lombardi, legendary football coach

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

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Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, and TEDx speaker on personal development and leadership. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for living with purpose and passion) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards). Check out his Crafting Your Life & Work online course or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!

Thriving Amidst Chaos and Uncertainty: 12 Tips

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Are you facing chaos and uncertainty in your life and work now? Finding it hard to manage things or lead? You’re not alone.

You may have noticed a few disruptions lately:

  • economic instability (including tariff uncertainty and supply chain disruptions)
  • political polarization and the erosion of democratic norms
  • technological disruption (including AI risks, scams, deepfakes, and more)
  • geopolitical conflicts (including wars in Ukraine and the Middle East)
  • climate change and extreme weather events

Such disruptions come and go, but if you let them, they can have brutal impacts on your life, work, and leadership. Chaos and uncertainty can cause:

  • anxiety and stress
  • bad decisions
  • lost energy
  • blocked creativity
  • damage to your health
  • harm to your relationships
  • burnout
  • lost perspective
“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back.” -Paolo Coelho, Brazilian novelist

Can you keep a level head despite all the challenges? Can you maintain your quality of life?

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

Take the Assessment

 

Can You Become a Clutch Player?

One way to think about this comes from the world of sports. “Clutch players” are those who consistently perform well when there’s a lot on the line. Think of athletes known for performing remarkably well even under high pressure:

Biles, Bolt, Borg, Brady, Curry, Federer, Gretzky, Hamm, Jokic, Jordan, Jeter, Kobe, LeBron, Messi, Montana, Navratilova, Pele, Ronaldo, Serena, Steffi, Tiger, Wambach

Like these greats, how can you stay calm in the storm?

 

How to Thrive amidst Chaos and Uncertainty

Here are 12 major things you can do to thrive in life and work amidst chaos and uncertainty:

 

Develop a Routine

Routines help you maintain a sense of normalcy. They give your life a rhythm and sense of stability even during jumbled days. Keep a consistent sleep schedule and exercise schedule, take regular breaks, and set clear work spans.

 

Lean on Good Habits

What helps get your mind off work? What energizes you? What restores and replenishes you? Is it walks? Reading? Hiking? Meditation? Prayer? Gardening? Yoga? Music? Lean on your good habits and you’ll find that they help you weather the storm.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

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Take Care of Your Health

Your health should be a non-negotiable top priority. You’ll need it all the more when things are in disarray. Don’t neglect these essential health practices:

  • Exercise & Movement: commit to daily movement—whether it’s a walk, stretch, or workout—to ground your mind, release stress, and reclaim a sense of control. It’s deeply restorative on many levels.
  • Food & Nutrition: nourish your body with a diverse array of natural foods to boost your energy and fuel your mind with essential nutrients and hydration.
  • Sleep: have a calming bedtime routine and stick to a consistent schedule, giving your mind and body the reset they need to face each day’s challenges. Poor sleep will only dampen your mood and prevent you from responding effectively to difficulties.
  • Getting Outside and Being in Nature: step outside—even briefly—to clear your head and notice the beauty around you. The natural rhythm of things. Go on walks, hikes, runs, bikes, or park, lake, or beach visits. And why not with a friend?

 

Connect with Friends and Loved Ones

Spending time with a trusted friend or colleague can raise your spirits and help you see challenges from a new perspective. The same is true for mutual support groups. (See our article, “The Power of Small Groups—And How to Run Them.”) Healthy support systems are like strong roots that keep you grounded, especially when life feels uncertain. Resist the temptation to shrink back into a cocoon. Loneliness and isolation are insidious.

 

Focus on What You Can Control

Uncertainty often triggers anxiety. You may feel like you’re losing control or unable to cope. Redirect your energy to things within your influence—like your schedule, mindset, habits, and responses.

 

Return to Your Safe Harbor

What are the things that ground you and bring you back home to yourself when there are stormy seas?

  • Do you have a clear sense of your purpose—of why you’re here and why you get up in the morning?
  • Are you aware of your core values—what’s most important to you and your core beliefs—and are you upholding them in your life?
  • To what extent are you using your strengths in your life and work?
  • Are you integrating your passions—things that consumes you with palpable emotion over time—into your life and work regularly?
  • To what extent are you engaging deeply with your faith or spirituality (e.g., through prayer, worship, contemplation, sanctuary, nature appreciation, fasting, or other practices and traditions)?

Personal Values Exercise

Complete this exercise to identify your personal values. It will help you develop self-awareness, including clarity about what’s most important to you in life and work, and serve as a safe harbor for you to return to when things are tough.

Take the Exercise

 

Have a Bias toward Action

Avoid the trap of analysis paralysis. It’s likely to accelerate your anxiety. Choosing action over endless deliberation helps you regain momentum through the power of progress. Even small steps forward build confidence and reveal new learnings or possibilities.

 

Maintain Perspective

Rise above the fray and see the bigger picture to avoid getting lost in the weeds of confusion and setbacks. Recall that challenges are only part of the journey and not the whole story.

 

Keep Growing and Giving

Continue learning new skills. Reflect on what life may be teaching you. And don’t stop giving to others in ways large or small. When you remain committed to growth and generosity, you can shift from feeling powerless to purposeful.

 

Reframe Challenges as Growth Opportunities

Reframe things from difficulties or defeats to challenges or opportunities. Chances to learn and grow. Watch how managing your mindset can build your confidence and fuel your motivation.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

Take the Test

 

Keep Your Hope Alive

Despite all the chaos and uncertainty, can you maintain a powerful and abiding hope that you’ll be okay and that things will get better if you stay the course and do your best? Why not choose hope and faith over resignation and despair?

 

Take Full Responsibility

Things may be tough for you now, and you may not have much visibility into how things will work out. Even so, are you taking full responsibility for the choices you make and for the conditions of your life—regardless of what has happened and why? It’s still your life to lead as you see fit.

 

More Things You Can Do

Beyond the major things above, there are also smaller but still impactful things you can do to help navigate the chaos and uncertainty. For example:

 

Conclusion

In the midst of all the chaos and uncertainty around us, you have more power than you think. Power to survive and thrive. By leading yourself well and engaging in renewal practices, you can create order and stability from the inside out. These practices don’t stop the storms, but they help you stand strong through them.

Will you be unstable and unmoored or resilient and ready for whatever life brings you? The choice is yours. Here’s to thriving amidst chaos and uncertainty. Wishing you well with it.
–Gregg

 

Tools for You

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

Take the Test

 

Related Articles

 

Postscript: Inspirations on Thriving amidst Chaos and Uncertainty

  • “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it and join the dance.” -Alan Watts, British philosopher
  • “In life itself, there is a time to seek inner peace, a time to rid oneself of tension and anxiety. The moment comes when the striving must let up, when wisdom says, ‘Be quiet.’ You’ll be surprised how the world keeps on revolving without your pushing it. And you’ll be surprised how much stronger you are the next time you decide to push.” -John W. Gardner, public official and political reformer
  • “Having a readily available sanctuary provides an indispensable physical anchor and source of sustenance. Too often under stress and pressed for time, our sources of sanctuary are the first places we give up.” -Ronald A. Heifetz and Marty Linsky, leadership authors
  • “At a deeper level, we need ‘sanctuary’ in our lives: places and practices of peace that restore our hearts. Places of quiet and tranquility. Together, renewal and sanctuary can lead to serenity. Beyond the striving, beyond the chase, beyond the willfulness, there is an acceptance, a yielding, a comfort with the present moment and a willingness to see things for what they are and ride with the flow of life. The serenity beyond the stress and struggle.” -Gregg Vanourek, “Ten Keys to Self-Leadership”

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

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Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, and TEDx speaker on personal development and leadership. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for living with purpose and passion) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards). Check out his Best Articles or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!

Are You Feeling Empty Inside?

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Article Summary: 

Many people feel empty inside, even if it’s hard to admit for some. This article contains the signs and causes of feeling empty—and what to do about it. 

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The feeling may be virtually undetectable, but if we’d pause to notice we may discover an inner emptiness sometimes. A silent question about whether all we’re doing is really worth it.

We may be feeling hollow or numb, or living without passion or joy. Are we racing quickly but getting nowhere in a hurry?

“Part of the problem… is that everyone is in such a hurry…. People haven’t found meaning in their lives, so they’re running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next house, the next job. Then they find these things are empty, too, and they keep running.” -Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

Such a feeling may be hard to admit. We may pride ourselves on being a go-getter, a producer. Maybe we’re a committed spouse or parent. Or a hard-charging professional or executive. But the feeling is what it is, regardless of whether we acknowledge or resist it.

We all feel empty sometimes. That’s common. The problem comes when it’s a persistent feeling that gnaws at us and that inhibits healthy relationships and our productive functioning in the world.

In our age of plenty, with grand technological advancements and material comforts for so many, many have warned about a crisis of meaning. The pandemic called the question about our relationship to work and our priorities.

 

The Signs of Feeling Empty

What are the signs of feeling empty inside? Here are eight of the most common signs:

  1. lacking motivation or enthusiasm for our life and work
  2. feeling disconnected from ourselves or our feelings
  3. feeling distant from others, with a tendency to withdraw from others or an inability to form close relationships
  4. feeling unfulfilled and purposeless
  5. lacking energy
  6. losing interest in activities that we once found enjoyable
  7. feeling like we’re a spectator to our life and not a full and active participant in it
  8. having a sense of dissatisfaction with our lives

Such feelings may get scrambled in cognitive dissonance because we don’t like to think of ourselves as the kind of person who has them. We may feel ashamed of such feelings, as if they’re beneath us, even though they’re natural and common.

We may also be trying to cover up feelings of emptiness with other things—things like entertainment, social media, gaming, overwork, shopping, gambling, food, sugar, alcohol, etc. (See my article, “Are We Numbing Our Lives Away?“) These, of course, are only temporary salves. They may work for a while, but then the emptiness returns.

At a deeper level, feeling empty can be a defense mechanism keeping us from re-experiencing trauma, or it can be a sign of depression. (If you suspect it may be one of these, check out the mental health and emotional support resources listed at the end of this article.)

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

Take the Assessment

 

Different Kinds of Emptiness

We should also distinguish between an inner emptiness stemming from disconnection and a kind of spiritual emptiness praised in Taoism and Zen Buddhism that allows us to free ourselves from unhealthy attachments to things like success, wealth, beauty, and certain desired outcomes. The idea is that even such good things can cause us suffering because they’re fleeting and beyond our control.

“Become totally empty
Quiet the restlessness of the mind
Only then will you witness everything unfolding from emptiness”
-Lao Tzu (Laozi), ancient Chinese philosopher

We may want to empty ourselves of the illusion that painful things are permanent and fixed versus fluid and in flux.

We can also empty ourselves of our attachments to our thoughts. With mindfulness practice, we can merely observe our thoughts and let them come and go instead of conflating ourselves with our thoughts. (So it very much depends on the kind of emptiness we’re talking about, whether it’s an emptiness of distress or enlightenment.)

 

The Causes of Feeling Empty

There are many things that can cause the distressing feeling of emptiness. One of the most common causes is physical and mental exhaustion. This can come from many thing—often a combination of things—including insufficient sleep, poor self-care (e.g., neglecting regular exercise and movement and good nutrition and sleep habits), racing around to family activities, or a stressful job with a demanding boss. Such things can snowball into burnout.

In his wonderful little book, Let Your Life Speak, educator and author Parker Palmer describes a deeper form of burnout:

“Though usually regarded as the result of trying to give too much, burnout in my experience results from trying to give what I do not possess—the ultimate in giving too little! Burnout is a state of emptiness, to be sure, but it does not result from giving all I have: it merely reveals the nothingness from which I was trying to give in the first place.”
-Parker Palmer, educator and author

Feeling empty can also be caused by many other things, including:

  1. loneliness
  2. repressing our emotions
  3. losing ourselves in an all-consuming relationship that leaves precious little time for ourselves
  4. spending too much time on social media, streaming sites, or gaming
  5. feeling exhausted from mental rumination about painful thoughts and the associated negative self-talk
  6. suspecting that we may need a different job or career, or that we’re settling for something that’s just okay
  7. lack of clarity about our purpose, values, vision, or goals (see my related articles, “The Problem of Not Being Clear About Our Purpose” and “The Problem of Not Being Clear About Our Values”)
  8. losing touch with ourselves and our inner life
  9. living a divided life, with a lack of coherence between our inner and outer self, or living in ways that violate our core values or that don’t center us in our purpose
  10. lacking self-awareness (e.g., about our purpose, values, strengths, passions, and the traps we’re in)
  11. not having enough clarity about or movement toward our goals and dreams

At a deeper level, feeling emptiness can also come from experiencing trauma, with our mind and body wanting us to emotionally detach from the pain, thereby making us feel empty inside as we struggle to access our feelings.

According to Dr. Margaret Paul, psychologist and author, ultimately there’s only one root cause of feeling inner emptiness: a lack of love. She notes that it’s not a lack of someone else’s love, but rather a lack of love of ourselves, or what she calls “self-abandonment.” This often comes from an ego that draws the wrong conclusion from our experiences in the world, making us believe that we’re not worthy of love when in fact we are.

Personal Values Exercise

Complete this exercise to identify your personal values. It will help you develop self-awareness, including clarity about what’s most important to you in life and work, and serve as a safe harbor for you to return to when things are tough.

Take the Exercise

 

What to Do About It

Fortunately, there are many things we can do to address prolonged feelings of emptiness that inhibit our quality of life. Here are some practices and mindset shifts:

  1. stop ignoring the feeling of emptiness and acknowledge it, giving ourselves grace and not judging ourselves harshly for feeling that way, instead allowing the feelings to flow through us and then letting go
  2. resolve to identify and address the root causes of our pain and anxiety, since avoiding them only brings a temporary reprieve and ends up harming our emotional well-being over time
  3. notice when we feel empty and what we’re doing and with whom, so we can avoid these emptiness triggers
  4. reframe our mindset from a sense of dread that we’re flawed to a helpful signal that there’s something in our life that needs attention
  5. figure out what self-care practices work best for us and double down on those
  6. make a list of fun, engaging, and fulfilling activities and people and build them into our schedule
  7. reinvest in learning and growing (e.g., via courses, books, podcasts, TED talks, etc.)
  8. learn a new skill or develop a current skill further
  9. engage in a creative practice such as songwriting or dance
  10. limit our time on social media, email, streaming, gaming, etc.
  11. reach out to family, friends, and loved ones, or make new friends
  12. get clarity about our purpose and core values, then creatively building them into our life and work
  13. write down our goals, aspirations, and vision of the good life to give us a sense of where we’d like to go in our life
  14. seek people and situations that help us feel loved, supported, and whole (and avoid people and situations that make us feel empty)
  15. recruit an accountability partner to help us do things that fill us up or challenge us
  16. form a small group where we can be open and vulnerable and lean on each other for support
  17. establish a daily spiritual practice, such as prayer, worship, contemplation, reading, meditation, or yoga
  18. stop avoiding responsibility for our current situation
  19. get in the habit of journaling for self-expression and self-awareness or writing a gratitude journal (see also this list from Lifehack of 32 things to be grateful for)
  20. seek professional help from a therapist our counselor, if needed (see the resources listed at the end of this article)

The point is not to do all, or even most, of these things. Rather, the point is to start with one or two that seem most promising or intriguing and build from there, paying attention to what’s most helpful and what isn’t.

Ultimately, feeling empty may signal that we’re becoming more aware and conscious of what’s important in our lives—and the deeper experiences we may be missing. That can be a very good thing if we have the foresight and courage to do something about it.

 

Reflection Questions

  1. Are you feeling empty inside?
  2. Is it an occasional feeling or something that’s been persistent and that has started to detract from your life and work?
  3. If the latter, what will you do about it?

 

Tools for You

 

Related Articles

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

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Postscript: Inspirations on Emptiness

  • “Formerly, his heart had been as a locked casket with its treasure inside; but now the casket was empty, and the lock was broken.” -George Eliot, English novelist
  • “Feeling empty is often a sign that you’re disconnected from something—whether that be your soul, a lack of meaning/purpose, or your emotions.” -Aletheia Luna, writer and educator
  • “You’re an interesting species. An interesting mix. You’re capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you’re not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we’ve found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other.” -Carl Sagan
  • “The hard work of sowing seed in what looks like perfectly empty earth has, as every farmer knows, a time of harvest. All suffering, all pain, all emptiness, all disappointment is seed: sow it in God and he will, finally, bring a crop of joy from it.” -Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction
“I have met too many people who suffer from an empty self. They have a bottomless pit where their identity should be—an inner void they try to fill with competitive success, consumerism, sexism, racism, or anything that might give them the illusion of being better than others. We embrace attitudes and practices such as these not because we regard ourselves superior but because we have no sense of self at all. Putting others down becomes a path to identity, a path we would not need to walk if we knew who we were…. as community is torn apart by various political and economic forces, more and more people suffer from the empty self syndrome.” -Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness

 

Resources for Mental Health and Crisis Prevention

Consult a mental health professional if you believe it may be depression or if your feelings are debilitating and not merely occasional. Here are some support resources:

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

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Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, TEDx speaker, and coach on personal development and leadership. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for living with purpose and passion) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards). Check out his Crafting Your Life & Work online course or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!

Guard Your Heart

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All the turmoil of the pandemic reminded us of how important it is to guard our heart.

Here we mean our metaphysical heart, our sacred center. Author and educator Parker Palmer said it beautifully:

“I’m using the word ‘heart’ as they did in ancient times, when it didn’t merely mean the emotions, as it tends to mean today. It meant that center in the human self where everything comes together—where will and intellect and values and feeling and intuition and vision all converge. It meant the source of one’s integrity.”

So many of us these days have suffered anxieties, losses, hardship, or tragedies. All added on a baseline of busyness and burnout. With frazzled days and heavy loads. With negative self-talk judging harshly. With fear and uncertainty.

This year, our hearts have taken a beating.

The effects on our health, relationships, and work can be devastating.

So we must guard our hearts, preserving every ounce of hope, wonder, awe, gratitude, and love we can muster.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” -Proverbs 4:23 (King Solomon)

 

Why does heart matter so much?

We need it in our lives. We need it to stay grounded and faithful that we can survive, that we can learn the lessons life is offering.

We need it in our relationships, often frayed or neglected during hard times.

We need it at work, with opportunities to connect with colleagues also facing ghosts or demons.

We need it in our leadership, especially during hard times. In his adaptive leadership framework, Ron Heifetz of Harvard University encourages us to maintain a “sacred heart” and avoid numbing our soul with cynicism or defeatism.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

Take the Test

 

How to guard your heart?

For starters, develop resilience through disciplined self-care. There are many possibilities, so choose the ones that resonate with you:

Some of the most powerful heart defenses come bottled in larger themes: Live purposefully. Preserve your vitality. Stay connected to people. Serve others. Take time for renewal.

If your heart is asleep, dormant from years of neglect, reawaken it.

If your heart is closed, crack it open.

If your heart is cold, bring it warmth.

If your path forward is hazy, ask your heart to light the way. We see things with our heart that we can’t see otherwise.

Guard your heart.

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Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, TEDx speaker, and coach on leadership and personal development. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for integrating our life and work with purpose, passion, and contribution) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards). Check out his Best Articles or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!

Personal Resilience and Self-Care in Hard Times

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In times of great upheaval and uncertainty, we struggle to find ways to thrive despite the challenges. Much of this comes down to self-talk, self-regulation, and self-leadership—navigating our reactions to external events and ensuring that our inner voice does not undermine us amidst the difficulties. How are we doing with self-care and personal resilience?

The challenges in the world today are massive, from disease, suffering, death, and mourning to unemployment, financial stress, disruptions, and restrictions. The effects on our quality of life and inner state can be more profound than we realize. Stress, pressure, and fear—for ourselves and our loved ones—exact their price in insidious ways.

But we humans are strong and adaptable, with amazing capabilities—both individually and collectively. Two of our most precious assets in times like these are personal resilience and self-care.

Resilience

What is resilience? Tony Schwartz, author and founder of The Energy Project, defines resilience as the “capacity to function effectively under intense stress and to recover.” As humans, we can develop different types of resilience, e.g., emotional, mental, physical. Schwartz notes three pillars of resilience:

  1. Self-awareness: naming what you are feeling is a good first step, and sharing it can help build trust
  2. Self-regulation: calming your body in the face of anger, fear, and anxiety (note: slow and deep breathing can help greatly with this)
  3. Self-care: engaging in regular practices to take care of yourself and build up your reserves so they do not get depleted under pressure

How do we build resilience?

Regular Self-Care Practices

We all have different preferences, but most of us are not doing enough on this front. Examples include:

  • Breaks. As humans, we can only go so long before getting depleted. Many professionals and leaders today are quite ambitious, and also attached via ego to success and prestige, causing them to get lost in overwork or burnout. Simple practices of regular breaks (e.g., Pomodoro technique) can be quite helpful and restorative.
  • Exercise. We need to move our bodies, and when we do so we can build strength, endurance, and energy. It causes positive reactions in our bodies that affect our mood, and it helps us sleep well.
  • Gratitude. According to researchers, being grateful for what we have can have powerful effects on our quality of life, including improved well-being, life satisfaction, sense of connectedness, and physical health. Activities such as gratitude journaling each night or writing gratitude letters to those who have helped us can have surprisingly strong and lasting effects.
  • Hobbies. Find something you enjoy and build it into your daily or weekly routine. It could be gardening, puzzles, podcasts, or whatever. Reading is one of my personal favorites, and I have often noticed that times in my life when I feel down have been times when I have neglected reading. Reading can take us into new worlds of imagination and new vistas of learning.
  • Meditation and Mindfulness. Mindfulness has been defined as “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally” (Jon Kabat-Zinn). Researchers have found many benefits from mindfulness practices, including improvements in mental and physical health as well as performance.
  • Nature. As physical beings in a dynamic ecosystem, we need to be outside. Fresh air and sunlight are essential. If our days are loaded with Zoom sessions and emails, we need to be sure we are getting outside enough through walks, hikes, runs, bikes, or trips to the park.
  • Nutrition. We’ve all heard that “you are what you eat,” but how many of us take it seriously? Our bodies need good fuel if they are to remain resilient and energized for all that we want to do in life. For great tips on food, check out Dr. Michael Greger’s Nutrition Facts web site and books, starting with How Not to Diet. (See also my article, “Good Nutrition for Health and Wellness.”)
  • Reframing. According to researchers, we humans have a negativity bias—over-focusing on negatives and underappreciating positives. It is important to reframe things from setbacks or defeats to challenges or opportunities (e.g., for learning and growth).
  • Sanctuary. Places or practices of peace, allowing us to transcend our ego and connect with something larger than ourselves (e.g., prayer). In a world driven by ego, accumulation, and stress, how powerful is it to step away from our worldly cares and tune into a higher power, recognizing that there is something so much greater than ourselves with our flaws and our brokenness.  
“In life itself, there is a time to seek inner peace, a time to rid oneself of tension and anxiety. The moment comes when the striving must let up, when wisdom says, ‘Be quiet.’ You’ll be surprised how the world keeps on revolving without your pushing it. And you’ll be surprised how much stronger you are the next time you decide to push.” 
-John W. Gardner, public official and political reformer
  • Savoring. Given the challenge of the negativity bias noted above, it is essential for us to savor the positives. Savoring means fully feeling and enjoying positive experiences, and thereby extending them.
  • Sleep. Many people today have poor sleep habits. We tend to take sleep for granted, but it turns out to be one of the most essential practices for physical and mental health. Poor sleep has been found to have tremendous deleterious effects on a wide range of factors (e.g., addictive behaviors, anxiety, appetite, attention, concentration, creativity, decision-making, depression, ethical behavior, impulsiveness, irritability, memory, motivation, relationships). A great resource for those struggling with poor sleep is the book, Sleep Smarter, by Shawn Stevenson, with a terrific punch list of simple practices to improve sleep. (See also my article, “Great Sleep for Health, Wellness, and Great Work.”)
  • Writing / Journaling. Research has shown that writing about stressful experiences can help people create meaning from them. I have found that writing can be a creative outlet for emotional catharsis. The same can be true for talking through feelings with others.
  • Yoga. Yoga has been a powerful grounding practice for people for thousands of years. The practice can increase flexibility, strengthen muscles, center thoughts, and relax and calm the mind. At a deeper level, it can unite mind, body, and spirit.

Take the Traps Test

We all fall into traps in life. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it, and we can’t get out of traps we don’t know we’re in. Evaluate yourself with our Traps Test.

Take the Test

 

Broader Mindsets for Resilience

In addition to the above self-care practices, there are other broader mindsets which are important to developing and maintaining personal resilience in good times and bad:

Full Responsibility. 

This is one of the most powerful principles of human development. Life may not be fair. We may be enduring great hardship, as so many are today. But in the end, we must take full responsibility not only for the choices we make but also for the conditions of our lives. No one is coming to save us. We are responsible for our lives and must continue doing the best we can.

Authentic Integrity.

In our book, LIFE Entrepreneurs, Christopher Gergen and I noted “authentic integrity”—integration of all aspects of our lives in a way that coheres with our true nature—is an essential aspect of intentional life design. This can be thought of as a strong personal foundation. To build it, we can clarify the following and build them into the fabric of our lives:

 

Healthy Support Systems. 

When we take time and care to develop relationships based on trust, diversity, reciprocity, commitment, openness, and vulnerability, we can build “healthy support systems” that act like roots that ground us in life. (Source: LIFE Entrepreneurs)

“Connection is why we’re here…. Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen….
True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world.”
-Brené Brown, researcher and author

 

Good Life Buckets. 

In his excellent book, How to Live a Good Life, Jonathan Fields notes that, while we all may have our own unique take on what a good life is for us, for most people a good life includes three “buckets”:

  1. Vitality bucket: energy, nutrition, sleep, exercise and movement, strength, mindfulness, emotional calm, resilience, etc.
  2. Connection bucket: relationships with partner, family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors (e.g., ones based on love, openness, trust, intimacy, commitment, belonging, fun, etc.)
  3. Contribution bucket: service and impact on family, friends, colleagues, community, nation, world, and/or causes or places

I love the good life buckets in part because we can do a quick “bucket test” to determine which buckets may be low and in need of filling.

Quality of Life Assessment

Evaluate your quality of life in ten key areas by taking our assessment. Discover your strongest areas, and the areas that need work, then act accordingly.

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Hope and Faith. 

Faith can be defined as complete trust or confidence in someone or something. Regardless of your beliefs, faith can be an essential aspect of remaining resilient during hard times. Do we spiral down into resignation and assume the worst, or do we maintain a powerful and abiding hope and faith that, despite hard times, things can get better if we stay the course and give our very best?

Strength through Suffering. 

Since suffering is part of life, we need to learn how to deal with it in such a way that it does not break us. Sometimes suffering can help us break out of mindless routines, drifting, or complacency—or taking important things for granted. The pain somehow invites growth.

“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning…. When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” 
–Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

 

How Adversity Can Lead to Growth

According to Scott Barry Kaufman, adversity can lead to growth in several areas:

  • Greater appreciation of life
  • Greater appreciation and strengthening of close relationships
  • Increased compassion and altruism
  • The identification of new possibilities or a purpose in life
  • Greater awareness and utilization of personal strengths
  • Enhanced spiritual development
  • Creative growth

We do not wish for adversity and suffering, but when it arrives, as it will, we must figure out how to respond. Sometimes it is there that we find humanity at its best. In fighting for ourselves, we build our capacity to fight for others, and to endure this together.

Strengths Search

We all have core strengths–the things in which we most excel. Take this self-assessment to determine your core strengths so you can integrate them more into your life and work.

Find Your Strengths

 

Tools for You

 

Related Articles & Books

Crafting Your Life and Work Course

Regain clarity, direction, and motivation for your next chapter, starting with a powerful foundation of self-awareness and commitment to your values and aspirations.

Learn More
 

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Gregg Vanourek is a writer, teacher, TEDx speaker, and coach on personal development and leadership. He is co-author of three books, including LIFE Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (a manifesto for living with purpose and passion) and Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (a winner of the International Book Awards). Check out his Best Articles or get his monthly newsletter. If you found value in this article, please forward it to a friend. Every little bit helps!